Wow, reunion shows always suck and disappoint, but this was one of the worst in recent memory. First of all, like a quarter of the contestants don't get a chance to say anything at all, while another half only get a few words in edgewise. That's because we need to waste a whole lot of time on Chase's music, Jimmy Johnson, Jimmy Johnson's "friend" Terry Bradshaw who just happens to be in the audience with his own microphone, a few past contestants who just won't get out of the spotlight already, and an explanation of next season's "epic twist" that basically turns this show into Real World/Road Rules Challenge. But I guess that's what you have to do when your winner, though looking hot with his new haircut, is almost definitely stoned out of his mind and babbling about ethnomusicology, Shannon can't let go of his need to tell the world that Sash seems gay, and stupid America voted overwhelmingly to give the fan favorite prize to a rather hateful old woman who cries poverty while making $50,000 a year.
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After a short montage of Jud's greatest moments, we begin the reunion show. Probst spent the commercial break changing out of his jungle shirt and into a sweatshirt, like, why bother? Probst asks the "most important" question first: did the Fabio nickname stick or is he back to being Jud? Jud says people have been going up to his mom and asking her why she named her son Fabio, which is pretty funny. He then says he's "still Fabio," although he has "a few characters." And here we begin Jud's amazing - and live -- descent into either madness or stonedness or both. Probst asks Jud if he's that much of a "goofball" or just pretending to be one because he figured that's what people expected from him. Jud says he's "very aware" of the "vibes" he gives off as well as the vibes he gets back from people, and if there's an "imbalance" and ... uh ... I don't know where he went with that, really.
Probst changes the subject quickly to asking about Jud's family history, as if that's something we care about when there are, after all, nineteen other people and only an hour to talk to each of them. "Dude, I have been crazy for a while," Jud says, noting that he comes from a family of artists, like his great-grandfather on his mother's side, who "invented the color wheel." Wow! Jud's great-grandfather is Sir Isaac Newton? Because that's who apparently "invented" the first color wheel, according to my brief internet research. A bunch guys are credited with other color wheels after that, so maybe he means one of them? Or maybe he has no idea what he's talking about, as when we cut to his mother in the audience, she has her head in her hand and looks kind of embarrassed. Jud continues that his great-grandfather on his father's side invented the folding card table. And then Jud starts talking about how he's been doing some "very serious" thinking lately about "human creative powers" and how the jungle has a "certain force you can work with." "Sounds a little crazy, but, it's there, dude," Jud says. Wow.
Probst quickly changes the subject to Jud's modeling career, even though the show always tried to make us think he was just a simple "student." We see a picture of Jud from his pre-Survivor modeling days (hot), and Jud says his life will probably change now that he has a million dollars and seemingly very little sense. "I'm gonna have a lot of fun," he says. Part of that fun includes starting his own production company which will have something to do with "music ethnocology." I think he means ethnomusicology? I went to a college that had an ethnomusicology program, but I don't know what ethnomusicology graduates do except become ethnomusicology professors at other schools. Jud continues: "connecting our dots around the world and undermining the government" and ... uh ... I don't know where he went with that, really. Anyway, Jud is going to be broke in like six months but I don't think he'll mind too much.