Conrad and Victoria have been together for a quarter century. That's a lot of time to be putting on social gatherings and destroying weaker socialites. To mark this momentous occasion, the Graysons are all being interviewed for a feature in the local paper. This causes a lot of tension for all involved. Victoria is sick of projecting a perfect existence after everything that's happened and Daniel is annoyed when Tyler disrespects Emanda's wish to not be named in his profile. Charlotte is provoked to rebel when Victoria tells her she can't invite Dec to the special anniversary family dinner. All of this comes to a head at the dinner table. Declan outs Emanda for visiting Jack at the Stowaway where she was trying to smooth things over after leaving Jack with his heart hanging out, and Dec storms out of the dinner when he realizes his and Jack's kind is not welcome. Daniel also storms out because he thinks Emanda has been seeing Jack behind his back, Charlotte chases after Dec, and Ashley leaves because Tyler stood her up. Victoria and Conrad are left alone at the table. It's a dinner disaster!
Tyler didn't make it to the dinner because Emanda gave Nolan the task of personally taking him down. And he does exactly that. Some digging turns up that Tyler has recently had all his bills paid for by a man who now has a restraining order against him. Nolan threatens to reveal Tyler's past if he doesn't completely come clean, which he does. It turns out his family is broke and he is trying to worm his way into an entry-level job at Grayson Global. Tyler, backed into a corner, offers his services to Nolan. That ridiculously brief jump cut of a move Tyler put on Daniel last episode was not imagined. TPTB treat Nolan and Tyler's respective sexualities with ambiguity, but that doesn't stop them from totally getting it on (!) in an agreement to keep Tyler's past secret. Ugh, Nolan, you can do so much better; Tyler is decidedly not the only bi-curious guy in the Hamptons! Nolan manages to video record the sexing and will presumably save it for a rainy day when Tyler chooses to be a nuisance again.
Meanwhile, Frank has been continuing his quest to prove someone else is responsible for the events that led to his downfall. He tracks down the juvenile detention center where Emanda was incarcerated and eventually breaks in to discover the case file for Emily Thorne. It leads him to a strip club where the real Emily Thorne is dancing under the alias "Amanda Clarke." He bribes her for information and learns about the name switch and also informs her of Emanda's current life, of which Stripper Emily had lost track. When Frank calls Victoria to tell her the wacky news, he's whacked to death with a tire iron by Stripper Emily before he can make the big reveal. She shows up at Emanda's door and tells her about what Frank found out before she took care of him.
On the love front, Emanda has to declare love for Daniel to keep him from drifting after he finds out about her sneaky dealings with Jack. Crisis is averted in sham revenge relationship land and Jack is left to wallow by himself at the Stowaway. Charlotte chases after Dec when he storms out of the dinner party and insists that she genuinely likes him for him and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. They continue to get closer. Tyler admits his conniving plans and actual low station in life to Ashley and they seem to form an alliance against all the rich people. Victoria throws Conrad out after the dinner. He goes to stay by Lydia's hospital bedside until she wakes from her coma. Her brain doesn't appear to be mush. Revenge plots are never easy.
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. He co-hosts TWoP's original "Trailers Without Pity" with his brother Omar G. Check him out at Unp0ssible and Pablog and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
We open on the blurry face of Queen Victoria. Emanda voice-over: "As Hamlet said to Ophelia, 'God has given you one face and you make yourself another.' The battle between these two halves of identity -- who we are, who we pretend to be is unwinable." Victoria is blurry because her and Conrad are being photographed for a high-profile feature story in the local newspaper about their 25 years of marriage. The reporter covering the story sits across from them in their parlor and asks what has gotten them through all these years. Conrad reaches for an answer and surprises himself with, "Love and respect," and goes on to BS her about going through things that bond you as a couple. The follow up question is: "What is the one thing that has bonded you forever?" Victoria looks like she wants to blurt out, "The framing and destroying of an innocent man!" but instead cites the birth of Daniel... oh, and that Charlotte girl, too. Queen Victoria has had enough of this charade (hey, that's the name of this episode!) and calls out to Ashley to take the reporter on a tour of the grounds so Victoria can escape the insanity. Conrad follows Victoria up to her balcony where she's fuming and sick to her stomach about being presented as the perfect Hampton's couple while Lydia lies in a coma and they have no idea where Frank is or what he's doing. Conrad's not worried because Frank has cashed his severance check, and for all they know that means he's no longer a concern. Lydia is also under surveillance so they'll know if she wakes from her coma. The 25-year mark is usually when you have to start worrying about comas anyway, so I don't see the big deal here.
Emanda drives her smooth Lexus convertible over to Nolan's bachelor pad. She's surprised to be greeted by a rather large man at the door who asks for some identification. Nolan enters to call off his new body guard. "It's okay, Big Ed!" Ha! Emanda questions Nolan's choice of hiring help, but she didn't almost have her kneecaps blown off by Frank, did she? Oddly, she's there to remind Nolan of his debt to her father since the altercation with Frank spooked him enough to renounce his involvement in her plans. Is it possible she actually needs Nolan? He agrees to step back into a consultant role. Emanda begins to ask for some hacking of a hospital's records, but Nolan interrupts with an update on Lydia's condition and asks who the next target is. Daniel? Emanda very clearly states Dan is not a target and Nolan should already know that. Interesting. Mention of Daniel brings out the sleaze in Nolan. He reminds Emanda that she could always just drop all of this revenge business and go be with Jack, but perhaps she's actually falling in love with Daniel. Emanda's not amused. "You're just a consultant, remember?" she deadpans before walking out.