Episode Report Card
Kelsea Stahler: C+ | 57 USERS: B-
His Heart Will Go On
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open on a bridal photo shoot for the supposedly cutting edge, vibrant magazine Voulez for which Emily is trying on various gowns and posing for wedding photos that look like they belong in a Sears catalog. Daniel and Emily don’t seem to notice because they’re too busy not telling people Emily is "pregnant," per Daniel’s request. Emily feigns her bursting excitement, but Daniel seems unmoved by her performance for once in his life.

At that moment, Margaux is helping Lydia settle into her lush accommodations, but says she’s not running with the story Lydia told her until she’s got some secondary sources. You know, because Margaux is a responsible journalist who checks sources but has no qualms about paying off a source with a fancy hotel. (She didn’t give Lydia the diamonds she asked for, so she’s definitely exhibiting some restraint, right?) Lydia seems blindsided by this because she was apparently never required to read about Woodward and Bernstein’s contribution to American history.

And now that Victoria is certain her plan to break up Emily and Daniel is a done deal, it’s starting to unravel because Sarah is upset that Daniel is ignoring her. (You shoulda known, V.) The poor, emotionally abused dummy won’t break up with Sarah, even though Emily is "pregnant" and he probably should. Of course his reason for keeping the engagement going is that he needs to sell magazines. This logic is flawed because the wedding is in two days and the magazine doesn’t seem to have gone to print. Was he going to marry Emily and then divorce her once the magazine came out? And is he really so famous that his mug is the thing selling magazines? Sarah sees at least one of these problems and jets.

Despite what she thinks is an imminent victory, Victoria is still trying to get under Emily’s skin by commenting on her willingness to stay with Daniel after he cheated on her. Emily came prepared and drops pregnancy hints like Easter eggs all over her breakfast nook. That battle doesn’t last long because Emily notices clothes falling from Victoria’s balcony -- it’s Lydia, who’s having a Gatsby moment with her nemesis’ clothing while stealing an Emerald shift dress.

Naturally, we’re in for a classic Victoria snark-off. Lydia declares war on Victoria, but we’re sort of with Madame Grayson on this one: She did save Lydia from dying in a fiery plane crash. So what if she also banished her to serve drinks to tourists in Ecuador? That sounds like a pretty sweet gig that lets you get a tan in a place where you probably won’t be pushed off the balcony of a Manhattan apartment building. Of course, Lydia is upset that she was banished while Victoria played "the Queen of New York." Let’s see, dying much like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark (only with more debris), or hanging out in Ecuador away from people who kill each other over real estate and ego? Yeah, still not catching the part where Victoria’s deal to save her life was a bad thing.

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