A Whole New Kind Of Bitch

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B+ | Grade It Now!
I Gave Him My Whole Heart And He Just Crushed It

Park Ave.: Juliet thinks Andrew wants to talk to her about rehab, but he has something far more nefarious up his sleeve. He's enrolled her in public school...um...to keep her away from kids who drink and drug. He's such a sheltered little darling. I need to explain things to him. Call me! Theresa says he can't call me, because he's on the phone with her. Theresa better watch it, or she won't be in the recaps anymore. Andrew's attitude is all you're not really an addict, because you're too good for that, as if addiction respects socio-economic class and breeding. Juliet assures him it isn't about the drugs. It's about Shiv. With the ransacking and NA research and narcing, Juliet says, "It's like she's a whole new kind of bitch." After some back and forth, she adds, "You really want to know why I hate Siobhan -- because she's a cheating bitch who sleeps with married men." Juliet smiles at Andrew's shocked expression and sashays out of the room.

Bar, 11:15 PM: Bridget meets up with Henry who is surprised she called him six times. He reminds her how they used to meet up there and talk about how wrong dirty wrong dirty their affair was. Apparently Shiv used to call them, "Rick and Ilsa." OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!! Ugh. When Henry starts laying it on thick, Bridget moves in like she's going to kiss him, but instead whispers, "Your wife knows about us. She overheard us in the Hamptons. She knows about the affair. The baby. That's why she left. She wants me to get you in bed so she can catch us -- have irrefutable proof, so you lose everything -- your money, your home, your kids." When Henry can't believe it, Bridget assures him it's true and says, "She wants me to lose everything, too. My family. We can't let her do that. Henry, you need to fix this. You need to keep her quiet." Henry asks how the hell he's supposed to do that. Bridget tells him: "Go home. Make things right. Tell her you love her." Henry says he can't. "I don't love her. I love you." Bridget tells him he can learn to love her again. "Just try -- for your kids." Henry chuckles. "I'm sorry. You may be able to live a lie like that, but I can't. I'm not going to do it, anymore. I'm done." Bridget: "Then I'm out of moves." Henry watches her leave the bar.

Park Ave.: When Bridget gets home, Andrew says, "She told me." Bridget assumes he means Gemma, but wisely keeps his mouth shut. Andrew turns to face us. He looks so cuddly in that black turtleneck, but I should let him talk. "I really hoped Juliet wouldn't find out." Bridget has no clue what he's talking about, so he explains that while Juliet was in Miami, her mother told her Andrew cheated with Shiv before he was divorced. "That marriage was long over before we even met, but what we did scarred Juliet. I'm worried about her, Shiv." Andrew says she snuck out, and she's not answering her cell. He wonders if he should call the police. Bridget pulls out a matchbook from Barfield's that she found in Juliet's room during the ransack. She hands it to Andrew. "Try here, first." And this is when the Contrivance Fairy starts working overtime, to make sure the right characters are isolated at just the right times for the next 10 minutes. Bridget will wait home in case Juliet returns, while Andrew goes to check out Barfield's. Once she's alone, Bridget whips out her phone and sees that it's 11:59 PM.

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