A Whole New Kind Of Bitch

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B+ | Grade It Now!
I Gave Him My Whole Heart And He Just Crushed It

Why Oh Why Wyoming: No offense to those of you from the Cowboy State. It's not your state. It's Malcolm's story. I've gone from feeling terrible for him, to wishing he's hurry up and either matter or die. Macawi orders Malcolm to call Bridget back, now. Malcolm: "Only if you dose me, first." When a Macawi minion uncuffs Malcolm, Mal grabs at his cell phone, throws it to the floor, stomps on it, and tries to fight off Macawi and the minion. They subdue their prisoner pretty quickly though, and Macawi places a plastic bag over Malcolm's head. The minion says, "So that's it? We're killing him?" Macawi says, "He should be so lucky." ["And so say all of us." --Xander]

Park Ave.: Gemma arrives in the penthouse, calling out for Andrew. Luckily the Contrivance Fairy sent him off to look for Juliet. Gemma tells Bridget her time is up. "Everyone's going to know who you really are, Bridget." Bridget tells Gemma how fragile Juliet is right now. Gemma tells Bridget she's embarrassing herself by using Juliet as a bargaining chip. Bridget reminds Gemma that she's not the one who cheated with Henry. She's the one who called it off. "Siobhan failed you as a friend. Give me a chance. Maybe I can be the friend she wasn't." Poor Gemma doesn't know what she's doing. "I don't even know who I am, anymore." We cut to...

Cab: Gemma's in the backseat when her phone rings. It's Henry. "You have got some nerve. [...] I know what your plan is, all right? I am one step ahead of you. [...] You are trying to set me up -- planning to take my boys away from me." Gemma asks, "Who told you that?" Henry says, "Siobhan. We met for drinks tonight and she told me everything. You are sick. Do you know that?" Gemma: "You saw Siobhan, tonight?!" Henry warns Gemma that she won't get away with this. "I am not losing my kids." Gemma: "I am not having this conversation. I'm picking up my car at the office and then I'll be at home." Henry says, "You know what? Don't bother. I'm going out." He hangs up and I really want to discuss the ending now, but I won't. Darn you. Darn you all to heck. Suffice it to say that the asshat never mentions to his poor wife that "Shiv" also told him to go home and rebuild his marriage and family, so we can only imagine how burned Gemma must feel right now.

Okay, it's the Contrivance Fairy's chance to shine again. Andrew, who has been telling "Shiv" all episode to let him handle the Juliet sitch, alone -- the very same Andrew who left "Shiv" at home while he went to look for his daughter -- apparently got confirmation from the club doorman that Juliet is inside. Instead of going right in, he then waited for "Shiv" to come down, before dragging Juliet's underage arse out of there. CF is working so hard, because everyone has to be alone at the right times, and with an alibi at others. CF rests her wings for a moment, while Bridget and Andrew find Juliet dancing with Erica at the club. Juliet freaks, but Andrew orders her to move off the dance floor so they can talk. Andrew tells her it has to stop, as everything that's upsetting her happened in the past. Juliet blames Shiv for her parents' divorce, even though Andrew insists his marital problems predate meeting Shiv. When Juliet screams that he could have worked things out with her mom, if not for Shiv, Bridget agrees. "You're right. Your father and I never should have been together while he was still married." When Andrew tries to shush her, Bridget says she needs to say this. "Juliet, I never meant to hurt you, or to break up your family, and if hating me is what helps you cope, well go for it. You can trash as many pictures of me as you would like, but you have to stop hurting your father, and yourself." She gives Andrew and Juliet a moment to take this in, then adds, "And? I'm sorry."

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