If You're Just An Evil Bitch Then Get Over It

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Cindy McLennan: N/A | Grade It Now!
Tea for Two

Audience: Yay, you finally got to say an episode title, again! You must be off punishment.

Some bar. Agent "Handsome" Cupertino introduces himself and Guyliner to Remy Ostermann (played by one of those Hey! It's That Guy! guys). They know Ostermann uses his dry cleaning shop and those stupid tarot cards to run a hit man brokerage. Hey, don't look at me. It's canon. Guyliner tells Ostermann that if he'll give up whoever hired Barton to kill Siobhan Martin, he will see that he only serves 15 years for his involvement in scores of murders. Ostermann knows they have nothing on him, so he laughs at the offer and walks out.

Once he's alone with Guyliner, Handsome agrees with Barton; they've got nothing, and so far Mrs. Barton won't let them search the house. They can get a warrant -- which, um... shouldn't they have already been on that like, immediately after the shooting? Since Barton took a shot at Bridget-as-Shiv, it's not like you don't have sufficient justification for a warrant. Anyhow, the feeble feds agree getting a warrant will take too much time. Mrs. Barton could destroy evidence before then. Sheesh fellas, it's been a couple of days since Barton took the shot at Bridget-as-Shiv. If she's going to, she probably already has. Anyhow, Handsome doesn't know what to tell Guyliner. His hands are tied. As Guyliner, oh-c'mons Handsome, we cut to...

Gramercy Park. Henry arrives home and tells Shiv he just got off the phone with his lawyer. The maid changed her story. Shiv smiles. She knew she could fix this. Henry returns her grin, but his eyes are dialed up to CRAZY.

Henry: Great job with that, because now, on top of her original accusations, Oksana Unspellablevitz is saying that Siobhan Martin tried to bribe her. So now they think we're working together, which makes me look worse.

Shiv: She reported me? Henry, this was supposed to clear you. Have the police talked to Bridget?

Henry: What?!

Shiv: Well, if the maid accused Siobhan, then the police are going to talk to Bridget. When that happens, how long do you think before she figures out that there are two Siobhan Martins in New York?

Henry: Is that all you can think about?

Audience: Yep. Pretty much.

Shiv: I'm trying to protect you. If the police think you're working with Siobhan, they're going to add fraud, embezzlement, God only knows what else -- to your murder charge. Henry, you have to find Bridget. You have to explain this.

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