Well, Ringlets, this is it for the first season (shhh, don't spoil my delusions 'til May). The wine is breathing. The bubble bath is foamy. Let's do this. You ready? Okay.
We open with Bridget dreaming about renewing Siobhan and Andrew's vows. She hesitates when she has to say, "I, Siobhan Martin," and she doesn't even know how evil Shiv is...yet. It seems that in her Nice Buffy persona, Bridget retains her slayer essence, since this dream is somewhat prophetic; Bodaway Macawi crashes the wedding.
After waking with a start, Bridget vows to all and sundry (okay, mostly to herself, her NA group and Solomon) that she's going to come clean with Andrew. And she tries, she truly does, but then Andrew goes all Welsh Rarebit on her, telling her about the poem he found while he was writing his vows, and how he'll see
me Nice Buffy her in every poem and work of art and SCHMOOPY LOVEY SIGH SIGH.
Somewhere in there, Officer Jimmy escapes prison and travels to New York. He's waiting for Bridget-as-Shiv (whom he thinks is Shiv) at Park Ave. He wants some getaway money and figures Bridget-as-Shiv is motivated to pay up, because Bodaway Macawi doesn't know Bridget Kelly has an identical twin. If she doesn't give him the cash, Jimmy will tell Macawi that Siobhan is Bridget, which -- you know -- she is.
From what Jimmy says, Bridget pieces together that NA Charlie/John Delario and Siobhan went to Why-oh-Why Wyoming and bribed Jimmy into encouraging Bridget to run to Siobhan. Speaking of Why-oh-Why Wyoming, back in Colorado (which is still Why-oh-Why Wyoming, if you ask me) Agent Victor "Guyliner" Machado gets his job back, but he also gets strict marching orders to stay away from the Bodaway Macawi case.
Bridget and Solomon apprise one another of all they're learning about Siobhan's "last" days. Before leaving to follow up on a lead in the Hamptons, Solomon gives Bridget a gun, "just in case." Bridget tries to refuse, until she sees THIS GUN IS TOTALLY CHEKHOV'S engraved on the barrel.
Meanwhile, over at Gramercy Park, Tool Belt is playing the playah. The new, female invisi-twins will be in the hospital for at least a week. Henry wants to move to Chicago to be near his folks. He tells Shiv that she thought Andrew was trying to kill her, and she was wrong; maybe she's wrong about Bridget, too. Maybe she needs to give her sister the benefit of the doubt in Sean's death. Heh, my word processing program just told me to avoid using the "benefit of the doubt" cliché. Clearly, it doesn't understand how you recap the implausibility parade that is Ringer.
Henry says if Shiv means it when she says that she just wants them to be together, she'll get over herself and move to Chicago with him. Shiv, for her part, agrees. She's more than ready to give Henry whatever stolen Martin/Charles money he needs to start over. She is not, however, ready to be anything approaching completely honest. When the paternity results arrive at Gramercy Park, she calls Henry out on having the test done, but then makes the mistake of lying to him. She tells him he's the father of the new female invisi-twins, but he already knows he's not.
Henry drains Shiv's bank account. When she tells him the money is missing, he cops to stealing it and then explains how she failed the honesty test. He was willing to be with her regardless of the new female invisi-twins paternity, but he is unwilling to play the dupe in yet another one of her lies. He kicks the now-penniless Siobhan to the curb.
Andrew sells Martin/Charles to Tim Arbogast. Tim has an attack of conscience/opportunity for vengeance, and in a move that would make Anyanka proud, he tells Andrew that Shiv and Henry had at least a yearlong affair.
Now, the plan is for Andrew and Bridget-as-Shiv to renew their vows in Turks and Caicos. They're hosting their own "going away" party at Park Ave. Andrew arrives home mid-shindig, and in a totally non-Welsh way, confronts Bridget-as-Shiv with Shiv's Tool Belt affair -- right in the middle of the festivities.
Greer (the one who saw Shiv and Tool Belt canoodling at the Boston Hotel Pivoine) helpfully clears out the party and sends Juliet to her house, so Andrew and Bridget-as-Shiv can have some good quality breaking up time. Before Greer leaves, Bridget sees a news item that Officer Jimmy has been killed. Unlike us, she didn't see Bodaway Macawi gut Jimmy with a hunting knife, but she's Nice Buffy, so she intuits it. Bridget calls Guyliner and begs for his help. He tells her he's off the case, but c'mon, we all know he and his lovely double lashes are going to teleport back to New York, as soon as he hangs up.
Anyhow, Bridget tells Andrew she never had an affair with Tool Belt, because she's not Siobhan; she's Bridget. Andrew has a hard time believing Actual-Siobhan would kill herself, but whatevs. He's shocked, just SHOCKED that Bridget has been lying to him all the time. He's nasty about her "drug-addled prostitute" past, but who can blame him? Bridget's tacky blue blouse with the shoulder cut-outs has me in a bit of a rage, too. He loves her, but he hates that it's all been a lie (not to mention that blouse), so he kicks Bridget to the curb. Maybe the twins can share a sequined bunk at a shelter?
Bridget goes to Greer's. She apologizes and comes clean to Juliet, who is hurt, but says she knew Bridget-as-Shiv was too good to be true. Poor Nice Buffy is not catching a break. I wish Spike was there to advise her to tie these people up and torture them, until they love her again, but no.
Andrew and Juliet take off for the Hamptons. Siobhan breaks into Park Ave. to steal whatever she can get her hands on. She's surprised by Bodaway (who has killed the doorman and disabled the security and the elevator). Shiv's pretty scrappy and manages to fight off Bodaway for a while. She tells him she's not Bridget, but of course he doesn't believe her. Bridget arrives in the penthouse with Chekhov's gun and takes down Bodaway, but because of the peripheral vision curse on that apartment, she never actually sees Siobhan, which is terrifically disappointing. Teleportation complete, Guyliner arrives and saves the day, which Bridget had pretty much saved by herself already. Ding dong Macawi's dead.
Solomon and Bridget have a Macawi post-mortem. Solomon went to the Hamptons and found surveillance footage of Siobhan and NA Charlie/John Delario leaving the marina, hours after Siobhan supposedly drowned. Armed with this information, Bridget hauls her cookies over to Gramercy Park and confronts Tool Belt. He admits he's known she's Bridget for some time now, and that Siobhan is alive and living in New York. He also tells Bridget that Siobhan faked her death because someone was trying to kill her. She hoped that if Bridget assumed her identity, Bridget would be killed in her stead. Grr. Argh.
This was a watchable hour with plenty of revelations, but I am bitter that Bridget never came face to face with Siobhan -- even for a second. Sure, it's great that she knows her duplicitous twin is alive, but since this show is on the bubble (and has been for some time), I feel disgruntled that the writers wouldn't deign to give us that bit of satisfaction. Even if Siobhan didn't see Bridget see her, I wish Bridget could have seen Siobhan in person, not on a months old video tape.
I'll be back tomorrow with the full weecap of "I'm The Good Twin." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread, where Ioan Gruffudd is waiting at the altar.
I'm in such a weird headspace right now; I'm having a hard time even starting this recap. Some of it's personal, and I won't bore you with that, because we watch stuff like Ringer to escape real life. Can I get an amen? Oh! I accidentally and prematurely just made my point. I'm pretty sure Ringer won't be renewed. Our best hope lies in the chance that perhaps Ms. Gellar has photos of the network execs torturing baby sloths, and will wield them well. Go for it, SMG, because right now, I kind of need Ringer. I need escape. I need two Buffies, no waiting. I need Ioan Gruffudd getting all gruffuddy. I need Henry tool belting around. And darn it, the whole wide world is crying for copious amounts of Guyliner.
Editor extraordinaire, Rachel Stein, wrote a well-reasoned piece on why Ringer should get the axe. It was linked at the end of my finale recaplet and will probably be linked at the end of this weecap, or perhaps right here, because TWoP links related items -- like you do... on the Internet. Even though I can't argue with any of it, when I saw it, I freaked. I didn't freak out on Rachel, because she's awesome. I didn't freak in the This Is Bad And Wrong sense. I already "know" the show is a goner, and Rachel is hardly making baseless accusations. I freaked because the link text reads, "See why we think Ringer should be cancelled." It was the we. There is no me in that we. Intellectually, do I accept the fact that there are shows more worthy of pick-up or renewal than Ringer? Certainly (although if I limit myself to CW shows, that list is drastically shorter). But my stompy-footed, cranky little id doesn't give a flying fig about worth. I want my two Buffys on my TV, and I want them on Tuesday, because it's our holy night.
I'm not even saying this as a recapper. There have been more Tuesdays than not where I wished I wasn't covering this show. I wished I could just watch it without having to think about it, make sense of it, criticize or defend it. I would have liked to just tune in, zone out. Sometimes, I would have enjoyed it more, if participating in the (polite, fun, easy-going) show thread was my only Ringer-related writing. (Seriously, that thread is one of the most pleasant ones I've read, in my decade+ as a TWoP member.) I'm speaking as a fan. I know this show is junk food. I need my junk food. So please, dear CW Executives, if you're filling out your renew/cancel checklist, and there's an item along the lines of, "What does that one TWoP recapper -- the one with far too much pity -- want us to do?" please put a bright, bold, glittery hot pink mark in the renew column. Okay? Thank you. Now, this recap isn't going to write itself, so let's go on with the show!