It's Gonna Kill Me, But I'll Do It

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A- | Grade It Now!
A Very Buffy Birthday

There's more snuggling, cuddling and Shiv wishes Henry would hurry up and finish his book. He reads her an excerpt of his City Burns. I like you people, so I'll spare you, except to say, I've heard better stories that started out with, "It was a dark and stormy night." Henry also notices a thick manila envelope addressed to Siobhan. She opens it as she says, "I'm not picky. I'll take presents from anyone." Inside there's a note which reads: "I miss you. Love, B." It, of course, accompanies the birthday necklace. Shiv tells Henry it's from an old friend. "We used to pass it back and forth on our birthdays," but makes clear she doesn't otherwise want to discuss it.

Back in the present, Bridget tells Henry she hasn't forgotten (because, you know, she never knew) but she doesn't want to hurt Andrew or Gemma. Henry asks if she wants to hurt him. Everything may have changed for her overnight, but, "Where the hell does that leave me?" When she says she's sorry, he says he doesn't want her apologies. "I just want you." I feel sorry for him, despite myself.

Beach, Night: Bridget finally finds time alone. Standing in front of a huge fire, she burns up her Nevada license and the bag, but clutches to her "bosom" the letter that Shiv sent her. Yes, in the real world, Agent Guyliner would have had to keep these items as evidence, but, in the Ringer world, if he did that, it would have tipped off Bridget that someone had been in the locker, so what's a soap writer to do? Make his or her own damned evidentiary rules. Hush, now. Don't pop my bubbles. Commercial.

Paris Hotel: The manager is ready to kick Shiv out on her pert little bottom. Wait. That's a JUMPSUIT, not a dress. Oh, Show. This almost makes up for your subliminal Olsen twins' Hampton Hobos advertising. As you'll recall, Shiv has no money, and the hotel wants to her to pay up or pack up. Tyler is just kissing Simone goodbye at the door, so he overhears all this. He comes to Shiv's, or should I say Cora's rescue, and says she needs to come with him. The boss is waiting to meet with them. This obviously means something to the manager, who apologizes immediately. Yes, it's goofy that Tyler was freezing her out in the last scene, but is now ready to mount his trusty steed to rescue this damsel in distress. Enjoy it.

Outdoor Cafe: Shiv tells Tyler she's been having a lousy week. She gives him a sob story about having always dreamt of going to Paris and that her husband always promised to take her, but never did. When she left him, she decided to come alone. She had a plan and money to live on, but someone drained her savings account. "I can't ask anyone back home for help, because then he would know I was here." Tyler: "Do you think your husband took your money?" Recapper: "IS THAT A SPOILER IN PLAIN SIGHT?" Recapper's Family: "Stop it, and let us watch the show." Bridget: "I don't know. I can't really think about it. I just know I'm not ready to go back. And the most pathetic part of it all? Today is my birthday." Tyler is sucked in faster than if Shiv was spokes-modeling for Hoover, or a black hole.

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