Zachary Secor High School: I wonder where they got that name. The first usable hit I got when I searched was someone who is into FarmVille, FishVille and a whole bunch of other Villes. Juliet enters English class and introduces herself to Logan Echolls who is totally pretending to be a teacher, instead of the high school's obligatory psychotic jackass (OPJ). Wait 'til Buffy gets ahold of him. Okay, I'll try to keep my imaginary TV life from spewing all over this weecap, but it's Logan, in a shirt and tie, and he's not going to a funeral or his own indictment hearing! My friend, Denise, is happy when I report that Jason Dohring looks like a grown-up in his Mr. Carpenter role. "Good. I won't have to feel like a child molester, then." Denise is practically Dohring's age anyhow, and he's rounding on 30, so delete that angry email you just started.

Juliet sits down in front of Tessa "You Can Tell What I Am Because I'm Wearing Too Much Eye Shadow and Jeans with Multiple Slits up the Legs" Toughbitch, who seems to be this school's OPJ. Tessa starts in on Juliet right away. "Hey, rich girl, can I borrow five bucks?" Really, writers? That's her taunt? Juliet ignores her, while Mr. Carpenter introduces today's topic: Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. Heh. When Tessa kicks the back of Juliet's chair and says, "I said I need five dollars," Carpenter turns around, but doesn't see anything actionable happening. Juliet doesn't turn. She just takes a twenty dollar bill out of her pocket, holds it up, and lets Tessa grab it. As Tessa shows it around to the other smirking students, Juliet puts on a baby-voice and says, "Now you and your family can eat for a whole month." When everyone (but Tessa) laughs, Carpenter turns around again. "Is there a problem? Tessa?" Tessa puts on a fake smile and says, "No, Mr. C., teach away." Once his back is turned, Tessa flares her nostrils and scowls. Juliet never looks at her.