The Poor Kids Do It Every Day

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B- | 2 USERS: A+
The Count of 3 Isn't a Plan. It's Sesame Street.

Rock Springs Community College Parking Garage, Wyoming: We open on yellow "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape as a siren breaks the silence. Inside the garage, Agent Guyliner is getting the skinny on Malcolm's disappearance from Police Officer Jimmy -- the officer who did a piss poor job of watching over Bridget in the pilot episode. "I reached out to you in New York, because I thought he might have joined our old friend Bridget Kelly -- on the lam." Cop talk. Cop talk. Cop talk. Officer Jimmy notes that he still owes Bridget for clocking him, and points to his healing head wound -- which I'm only highlighting, because I'm starting to think Bridget didn't do anything to Jimmy. At one point, I thought she drugged his coffee before she escaped, but now I'm not even sure she did that, because when Machado brought her back to the Two Nickels Motel, it was still daylight. Later, after dark, Bridget looks out the motel window and sees Jimmy standing watch. I don't know. Just consider this my pin in the whole Bridget overwhelms Officer Jimmy and drags him into the motel shower, cuffs him and duct tapes his mouth shut affair. More cop talk. Guyliner finds a clump of cigarette butts and asks Jimmy to have them tested for DNA. He thinks Macawi's guys probably stalked Malcolm and grabbed him. Meanwhile, Guyliner and Jimmy are off to see some live, nude girls.

Club Caged, Dungeon: Malcolm's still not talking so one of the Macawi minions heats up some heroin (right?) in a spoon, exposits all over us about how they've been drugging Malcolm. When the minion walks away with the heroin, Malcolm finally cracks. "Wait. I'll tell you... I'll tell you everything you want to know." Good, maybe we can end this part of the story quickly, because it bites.

Zachary Secor High School, NYC: Juliet and Tessa Toughbitch have a bitch-off in the hallway, during which Tessa drops the cash at Juliet's feet. Juliet tries to walk away, and even sort of gives Toughbitch a chance to dial it down a notch. "The only thing I'm sure of is that I don't like people hitting me up for money in the middle of class. You apologize for that, and maybe I'll apologize for everything else." Tessa says, "Here's your apology, right here," and smashes Juliet's face into a locker. When Juliet turns, the sparkly star-shaped doodad that adorns her headband, seems to say, "You've made Princess angry. You won't like Princess when she's angry." But I do. She pounces on Tessa. Awesome! The two are rolling around on the floor, and even though there are as many guys as girls in this scene, all the extras only chant, "Fight fight fight," rather than "Chick fight," or "Cat fight." Talk about your implausibility parade.

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