What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
Trying To Get The Feeling, Again

Pawn Broker: Sorry, I don't traffic in stolen goods.

Siobhan: LOL. Does that line ever work?

Pawn Broker: LMAO, you'd be surprised. I'll give you 15K.

Siobhan: Cash?

Shiv makes a phone call...

Mystery Man: Hey.

Siobhan: I have the cash, let's do this.

At Park Ave., Bridget calls the Paris Pivoine.

Hotel Desk Clerk: Bonjour!

Bridget: I don't speak French, but help me. I need a copy of the charges from my stay for tax purposes. My name? These days, it's Siobhan Martin.

Hotel Desk Clerk: Ugly American. Fortunately for you, I speak English, too. I am sorry to say zere eees no record of your stay.

Bridget: Look under Andrew Martin.

Hotel Desk Clerk: Non.

Bridget: How about Buffy Anne Summers? Kendall Hart Lang? Helen Shivers? Sydney Orion Rutledge?

Hotel Desk Clerk: Non.

Bridget: [flashes back to her visit with Shiv's therapist...] Um...please transfer me to the concierge.

Concierge: Alloooooo?

Bridget: My name is Cora Farrell. I left my make-up bag at your place. Can I have it, please? It makes so much more sense for you to ship a bag of makeup overseas than it does for me to just buy new makeup, right?

Concierge: Certainement! I weel just looook. Non. No makeup bag 'ere, Perhaps your boy-toy has eet?

Bridget: Frigging Tool Belt! Um... I mean, can you just remind me of the dates of my stay? Perhaps that will help me find my makeup. You buy that, right?

Concierge: Cray cray Américain! Please to geeeve me your credeet card nombre.

Bridget: Gotta go!

At Federal High Security Prison, Richmond Springs, Colorado, which is no less of a Why-oh-why place than Wyoming, Agent Victor "Guyliner" Machado and a new handsome young agent go to visit Officer Jimmy -- duh Matador.

Guyliner: Agent Handsome and I mock Jimmy for a few minutes, because we know what a great time cops have in prison. Oh, the friends they make!

Officer Jimmy: He wants me to tell him about Bridget and tries to sweeten the deal by promising me a transfer to an easier prison, but this guy can't find his arse with a flashlight, a map and a three-way mirror, so I don't think so.

Agent Handsome: I'd be practicing my Kegels if I were you, handsome. Hey, wait, I'm the handsome one!

Recapper: *Pet pet* yes you are. And that was a great line, so don't sweat it.

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