What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
Trying To Get The Feeling, Again

Agent Handsome: Hey, you're kinda cute. Are you single?

Recapper: If recaps appear in the forest that is the internet, and yet the recapper's supposed spouse doesn't always read them, must she tell the truth?

Gentle Readers: Yes, she must. We mean, yes, you must. Agent Handsome is too young for you, and besides, your mother reads these recaps, and you know she loves your husband, best. We'll give you a pass with Ioan Gruffudd, because he's so Ioan-y and Gruffudd-y, but that's it.

Recapper: What about Agent Guyliner? I mean, he's Richard Alpert.

Gentle Readers: Okay. But that's really it. You're already drooling over the whole cast of The Vampire Diaries.

Recapper: Have you seen my latest reason for doing so?

Gentle Readers: We'll be in our bunks!

Recapper: Hey, wait. I'm not done here.

At the New York office of Martin/Charles Financial, Claudine answers the phone, when Bridget-as-Shiv calls...

Bridget: Can you give me the dates of my last trip to Paris?

Claudine: I have no record of you having gone to Paris with or without Andrew. But if you want to accompany him on the trip he's taking in a few weeks, I'll totally hook you up. He's meeting with Tyler Boytoy, our new head of European Scams.

Bridget: [flashes back to meeting Tyler at dinner a few weeks ago, and him hissing that she said her name was Cora] Um...you know what, can you put me through to Mr. Boytoy?

In Paris, Tyler takes Bridget-as-Shiv's phone call...

Tyler: Er... aren't you the one who said we should never talk over the office line?

Bridget: (under her breath) Eff my sister's life. Um, so you still mad at me?

Tyler: Mad? I never! Did you get in touch with your guy, Solomon? What's going on there, anyhow?

Bridget: Gotta go! Andrew's home, and he's the only part of my sister's life worth assuming. Forget I said that, kthx? Bye.

Andrew enters the penthouse...

Andrew: Did you sell that anniversary boulder of a ring to a pawn shop? You said you were getting it resized.

Bridget: Um, it was totally stolen. I was too embarrassed to admit I lost it, so I lied. But I totes love you. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. I did call a plumber to snake the drain.

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