What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
Trying To Get The Feeling, Again

Recapper: Um...I don't think so.

Bridget: Right?

Catherine: Word.

Andrew: La la la I can't hear this discussion of my daughter's virginity. Let's focus on facts, facts, facts, other facts.

Catherine: The fact is, when Logan wouldn't let Juliet jump his bones, she decided to screw him the only way she could. THERE WAS NO SEXUAL ASSAULT -- WAS THERE, JULIET?!

Bridget: (To Principal Caruso) Would you like me to show you out?

Principal: All my life, I never wanted anything else.

Oz: This is my verse, hello?

Recapper: I thought I already got rid of all you people. Scoot, Oz, you're not in this scene. You're not even in this show.

Oz leaves, with his tail between his legs.

Juliet: Daddy, you believe me, right?

Andrew: I do, but it's no longer black and white.

Juliet: Thanks a lot. I hate your frickin' guts.

Bridget: Juliet?

Catherine: Oh, like you're a big help. You taught her putting out is the way to get what you want out of life.

Bridget: What the hell did you just say to me? I'ma bust your ass for I am Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

Andrew: Order. I must have order! Why did I not marry British women?

Catherine: You are the world's worst man-stealing stepmother.

Bridget: Well you're an even worser mother and your DNA contribution obviously sucks, because Juliet so didn't get this from Andrew.

Andrew: ENOUGH! Siobhan didn't steal me. I left. This is about Juliet, who is obviously insane in the membrane. I'm off to talk to her. You two stay and duke it out. My money's on Buffy.

At a restaurant, at night, Tool Belt waits for Shiv.

Siobhan: Hi, baby. You, me and some gnocchi. YUM!

Tool Belt: Why did you kill Gemma, BRIDGET?! I know the truth. I saw you sell Shiv's ring. You must have stolen that scarf. I've been following you all day. You tried to buy a fake passport. And yesterday, you didn't remember about liking the Jumble. Do you even know your sister was pregnant?

Siobhan: LOL, I can see how you'd get confused. Gotta say, you are not the one I would have chosen to get this close to the truth so soon.

Tool Belt: Save it for someone who cares.

Siobhan: Like?

Agent Guyliner: Bridget, what is UP?

Siobhan: Eff all my lives.

Over at the FBI Office, i.e. the Fed Shed, Guyliner still thinks Shiv is Bridget, so he fingerprints her and compares the results to Bridget's prints.

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