So after the commercials, which include my favorite "Sixty-six, please!" Holly ad, a disgusting Slim Jim spot, and some Sprite dude scratching on two Victrolas, Laterrian dives. James yells, "He's going diggity-deep." Uh, actually no diggity: He resurfaces after going fifteen feet. Fifteen whole feet. Wait. Didn't MayorMehgan go one-hundred-sixty-five feet? Hee. She's down shootin' craps with flounders and sea anemones and Laterrian's getting the bends at the bottom of a swimming pool. James claps as Laterrian babbles to Mehgan. James, cheering, for some reason calls Laterrian "Big baby." I hope Laterrian punches James. So now B/M tries to save precious screen minutes by going all Timecode on us and showing Kathryn and Msaada's non-simultaneous dives, simultaneously via split-screen nonsense. They both talk but I can't understand either of them. Then they dive. Kick kick kick. Rise. Kathryn makes eighteen feet; Msaada, seventeen. I thought Kathryn was good at "going down." Maybe she needed some duct tape. Holly and James are split-screen next. "Dude, I...I can feel it, dude. I can feel it. I think I can hit that bottom, dude." That was James, in case you couldn't guess. To her credit, Ho-Ho has yet to fall victim to Dude Fever. Holly dives but goes AquaScaryteeth when her ears hurt and she comes up after sixteen feet. James makes twenty-nine, which I'm just guessing, dude, isn't, dude, actually the "bottom" of the, like, ocean. James massages Theo on the boat as Theo voice-overs, "James' passion for sports is showing me that I got nothing to be afraid of. Like, I can push myself so hard. I look up to James. He's my paht-na. And I want to show him that I can just go for it all." Yo, that has to be the least "dude" and at the same time, most gay speech Theo has ever made. James finishes his rousing shirtless dude-talk and the pumped-up Theo swims to the raft. "Oh, that's so neat-o," chaws Theo, looking down into the water. "Yeah," giggles MayorMehgan. Oh shut up, Mehgan. Spell your name right -- then you can giggle. So PukeTheo dives and makes twenty-two feet. "Damn," he hicks.
Episode Report Card547 USERS: C+
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