Shasta in California, at the Catalina Terminal. Split screen. That crack B/M editing squad still dazzling me with the graphic wizardry. Stop it now, B/M editing staff! You're going to make it impossible for me to be satisfied with any other show in the future. You've really raised the bar. (As in, raised The Bar to number one on my list of things to do Monday nights.) So Janet Karl (I just made up that name, but it sounds close -- ooh, no, the Graphic of Stupid comes just in time to let me know that it is actually "Jann Carl" and she's indeed the new Mission Mayor), recognizable from her job as part of the hard-hitting journalist team on Entertainment Tonight, knocks on the Shasta door and introduces herself to the kids. "So, you guys ready for the final Face-Off?" asks Jann, the extra "N" in her name obviously giving her extra spunk. The kids listlessly answer, "Yeah." Man, even the kids themselves hate the show. I wonder who wants it to be over sooner, Kathryn or me. That a good question. So anyway, Kathryn floats (I actually missed not having the floaties last week) that they walk into the terminal (we see this) and find a little boy band praying. They wonder if it's the Backstreet Boys. No. As Jann waves a fart away with a manila folder, she introduces the kids as "O-Town." We get a four-shot of all the kids from B/M's show Making the Band -- Ashley, Erik, Trevor, and Jacob. ["I guess this was in the post-Ikaika, pre-Dan era." -- Wing Chun] Oh lord, do they look stupid. We hear an O-Town song that goes, "Baby I would. Baby I will...mmmbaby, I'll do that gladly. All that you need..." Alright, yo, I'm no Phil Spector, but that's a fucking hit! Buy your B/M stock right now, because that shit's going through the roof! So Ashley lies the camera, telling us that they are all big Road Rules fans and grew up watching the show. Laterrian then, in split-screen with Ashley smiling, tells us that they saw the O-Town-ers and thought that they were pretty boys and that the Road Rulers will easily beat the band. Over what looks like a worse buffet than the one I used to have to eat every month at my Godmother's rest home when I was little, James asks Ashley what the "O" in their name stands for. Ashley, who hits puberty any day now, explains that it stands for Orlando, where they all live. I thought it stood for "Oh, Jesus, turn that shit off right now!" James, who has only a few years on the boys but looks about thirty here with his future doughy-ness starting to rear its head, goes on to ask them if they're the next "Backstreet." Ashley explains that their pimp-daddy Svengali is the same lunatic who created the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync -- although he explains it a bit differently. James is smiling and obviously mocking the kids. Theo looks on, very interested in every word Ashley has to say.
Episode Report Card476 USERS: C+
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