Graphic of Stupid. "Arriving Catalina Island." "The Music of My Earache." They get off the boat and spy two sailboats docked nearby. Theo jumps up and down, "Oh my God, look, dude, that's exactly what we're doing, dude. There's all of our stuff right there...Man, we're having, uh, like a catamaran race, yo." Do you think that, in the history of the English language, the sentence, "Man, we're having, uh, like a catamaran race, yo" as ever been spoken? I doubt it. Congratulations, Theo. You're a fucking linguistic Lewis and Clark. Shot of two l'il hot air balloons. Partridge Family bus driving up. Montage of the various kids on the bus. They follow Mayor Jann off the bus. She informs the kids that they're doing something called "Parabounce." She explains, using "he or she" over and over, that each of them will strap "herself" (stupid Jann Carl) into the balloon and jump off the cliff to the beach below. James goes floaty and explains that the kids have to parabounce one by one to the beach and then all run to their sailboat and start the catamaran, yo. Msaada floats, "please, let me do this" -- meaning "please B/M, give me at least a minute of screen time this episode and even though I know you hate me, can I do the fun balloon thing please please please." Laterrian floats, saying that losing to Tyson in a fight or Tiger Woods in a golf game would be one thing, "but losing to an eighteen-year-old boy-band member in a damn sailing competition...no. No. You have to be...you have to be joking." "You ready for the final face-off rules?" asks Jann Carl. She again gets about the same enthusiastic response as Gallagher does playing the King Solomon Home of the Aged in West L.A. She goes on to explain the bounce-then-sailboat-race once again, before Theo gets floaty on her ass. He asks, regarding the parabounce, "And what if we don't even go down at all? What if we just go off and disappear?" Jann reiterates the cash prize, and the kids are even less responsive than before. Jann Carl is fucking dying up there, yo. James jumps up and down, pretending to be excited. Laterrian frowns. So do I. An O-Towner and Msaada both float about how exciting and scary the balloon thing is. No excitement is mustered. B/M gives up. Commercial.
Episode Report Card476 USERS: C+
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