Cap'n Ron, talking to six-year-olds: "You need to go zero-two-seven. Okay, you're pointed at sixty degrees right now." Hee. Theo throws off compass bearings with the powerful vacuum in his head. O-Town is sailing and we see the kids' boat way ahead of them. Oh, yes, Road Rules will indeed find a way to fuck that up. Don't worry.. Cap'n Ron starts to clean up strewn ropes but James and Theo quickly run to impress the Cap'n and help. Cap'n Ron just walks away. One of the O-Town boys does some schtick with the yellin' about sailing and my cat picks up the phone and tries to cancel our cable. Instead she fucks up and end up ordering Forces of Nature on the pay-per-view. Stupid cat. So the Incongruous Fiddlin' of Bad Competition begins as Laterrian notes that the boyz are getting "closer, yo." Which in nautical terms is slightly closer than "closer, dude." Montage of jibbing and hoisting and winching. Reminds me of the closing-night parties at the Renaissance Faire I used to work at. Sailing. Sailing. One of the O-Town boys starts singing and quickly stops, realizing that if we hear him sing without filters and vocalizers and computers making the voice palatable, no one will ever buy the album. Boyz closing in. James tells the girls that they're "catching wind," which is sort of, like, part of the whole sailing game, isn't it? I think the O-Town boys threw their two "girlfriends" off the boat because I haven't seen them the whole race. Jettisoned them like they used to do horses to lighten the load after having them pull the boat through the doldrums. Everything I need to know about sailing I learned from Jim Morrison poetry. Sailing. More sailing. Kathryn having trouble navigate. Theo yells, "Let the jib out." Yes, it has to pee. Man, there is really nothing happening in this episode, folks. They're sailing. The boy band is pulling closer. That's it. "There's something going on, dude," chaws Theo, as the O-Boat begins to pass them. Theo is standing on the front of the boat like Jack on the Titanic. "I'm the King of the Hicks!" Our kids are all yelling at each other and one of the boyz floats, "I think we're going to pass them and never look back." Baby, bye bye bye.
Episode Report Card476 USERS: C+
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