Road Rules

Episode Report Card
476 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
B/M x 2 + H2O = Zzzzzzzzz

Suddenly, I love B/M because they proceed to give us a one-minute-long sequence with no talking, just a shot of the boyz passing the Road Rules boat. Thank you, B/M. Hey, I have a great idea for a good mission: mime! Make the kids mime! A good old mime-off. And I'm not saying that because off all the pain it would save me having to recap the broken mumblings of morons. Oh, and there are the two O-Girls. Just sittin' around, waiting to see if the band is really going to take off like B/M promised. You know those boyz are getting their asses dumped the minute O-Town's first album debuts at number 489 on the Billboard charts. It's not a pretty future for these pretty boys. "Hi, welcome to Old Navy." "Hey, did you used to be in that fake band?" "Um...cargo pants in aisle seven." G of S. "O-Town Passes the Road Rulers." The boys cheer because they pass Road Rules...and also because they just got pubic hair and that's always exciting. They make it even worse when one of them gives just about the gayest high-five I've seen since Siegfried and Roy beat Lance Burton and Danny Gans in water polo. O-Jacob tells the camera that victory is close, and that he can smell it. No Jacob, that's just Theo. On schedule, James immediately starts complaining. "[Beep] it man, I wanna win this bitch, dude. I'm not going home a loser." Oh, yes you are, James. Don't you always? Sailing. Sailing. Bad Music. Commercial. I've never been happier to see Fred Durst shilling his new special at the Playboy Mansion. Wait, Fred Durst is doing a...never mind. I'll fast forward to the new Coke spot. At least Coke doesn't wear a Kangol.

Road Rules

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