Road Rules
A Day Out On O-Town

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B/M x 2 + H2O = Zzzzzzzzz

"Next...on Road Rules." (Aaaah! When's this fucker of a season ending?) Msaada is uncomfortably kissing someone. Kathryn, wearing a whipped cream bikini, tries to hitchhike. The kids are playing "Truth or Dare," someone tells us. B/M has resorting to seventh-grade party games as missions. Game over, people. Game over. Theo strips. Dances on top of Msaada. He floats, "Who wants to dance?" Not me. The kids sit around a table with B/M people -- including some blonde who looks familiar from a past season of RR or RW. A guy explains, "No one has ever not received their entire handsome reward." I'll give you a handsome reward. The blonde tells them that they'll get to make up their own final mission. "Figure out what really scares the crap out of you." Fade to black. I'll tell you what really scares the crap out of me -- that Road Rules keeps getting picked up by MTV. That's some fucking frightening shit.

Closing credits. Road Rules morons (and Msaada) and the O-Town boyz having dinner. Our kids toast the band's future. Oh man, that's a jinx right there. Shouldn't let the Road Rulers wish you any kinda luck. Just walk away slowly. They can smell fear. That's just asking for it. Theo says something I can't hear. Laterrian asks, "So, how does it feel to just know you're going to be successful this time next year? I mean, just like imminent success." Oh, for fuck's sake, Laterrian. Do you have to bend all the way over for B/M, or do they let you stay standing up for it? Theo adds, "unless you pull guys a Richie Valens." Theo apologizes and makes a few lame jokes to cover his bad taste, which was just really masking the fact that he made a very stupid joke and that B/M has no idea how to end this episode so they just fade to Making The Video. I fall to the floor where I just lie still, gasping for breath. Pamie walks into the room, pats me on my haunches and says, "That'll do, Stee. That'll do."

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Road Rules

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