Road Rules
A Day Out On O-Town

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B/M x 2 + H2O = Zzzzzzzzz

We open with E.T. Carl saying, "Well, it'll be a race from the minute I say 'go.'" Um, isn't that how it usually works? Maybe you better call in Bob Gowan to help you out with your segment work, sister. She won't stop reiterating the specifics of the race. Blah blah blah Jann Carlcakes. Our kids huddle and cheer, "Nine!" earning a little extra pocket money from B/M. One member from each team jumps off the cliff with this little balloon strapped to them and they float (I mean, they actually float) and like most of the missions this season, it's very boring. Kids cheer. Theo points "down," very proud of himself for mastering the directions. James lands on the beach. We see that the "high" cliff is actually about ten feet tall. Montage of balloons. Split-screen parabouncing. Msaada looks stunned for a second. Holly smiles. They mission does very much not work. Shares of Parabounce stock plummet! So sad. Our kids all make it down to the beach and run to their boat. G of S: "Road Rules Takes The Lead." It's too bad that sentence has never been written in reference to ratings.

O-Town ain't that good with the parabouncing and still work to get the whole team off the cliff as our kids arrive on their boat. Some pony-tailed sailor/helper, who we'll call "Cap'n Ron," asks the kids if they know where they're headed. Cap'n is suppose to "help" and feign ignorance, so he gives the kids five minutes to get the boat ready to head out. If B/M had any balls they'd make the kids sail alone, but then again James managed to wreck a pick-up truck; imagine the damage they could do to a twenty-foot schooner. Crazy split-screen "getting ready" shots. James predicts that they have an advantage, you know, having a four-minute lead. James's expert analysis floors me. So, like, if you're in a race, and you have a lead, that's a good thing? Wow. I don't know what I've been thinking all these years. The RR boat heads out with Msaada at the wheel. Kathryn asks how to "turn on" a little navigational device. Maybe she should take it into the bathroom -- stick with what's worked for you before. So O-Town O-Finishes and runs to their boat. We see the RR boat is still docked. But it wasn't a second before. That ol' B/M magic's got me in a trance. Our boys, wearing green tank tops, pull ropes and yell shit like "jib" and "belly" and "winch it, dog!" Theo realizes he hasn't handed me an easy joke in a while, so he shouts, "That's tight, dude. That's really tight." Thank you, Theo. O-Town is sad because our kids are ahead. Don't worry boyz, you can be sure the Road Rulers will find a way to fuck it up. O-Town has their own Cap'n, who gives them their heading and says he'll tell them more later. Yo, these kids are like fourteen, and really annoying. They're sure to be a hit. Our kids raise the sails. Kinda like "raising the roof," but more rope-related.

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Road Rules




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