Road Rules
A Square In A Social Circle

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James And The Giant Truck

The first event is the Obstacle Course, worth one hundred points. Sure. Whatever. So the obstacle course is done on foot. Two teams of three each will compete. There is tire pushing, followed by thru-tire hopping, then climbing and pushing a truck over a line. One of the Greek girls says that they're going to win, and Msaada does some double-floaty, hoping that she's not going to vomit. Oh, I see. Msaada will be inside the tire that gets pushed. Well, Calvin didn't explain that very well, now, did he? Eight screens show Calvin starting the race and the tires are being pushed and people (who???) are screaming. Okay, so an announcer is spurring on the crowd (there's a crowd, I guess), talking about how the tires weigh three hundred pounds and telling the audience that they "gotta" cheer for their favorite team. The Road Rules kids are ahead as Msaada gets out of the tire and the three approach the wall. They climb over using "strategy" -- climbing over each other as traction against the greased-up wall. Meanwhile, one of the Greek kids hurls himself over the wall and the announcer goes crazy praising him. Oops, but then the girl can't get over and no one is there to help. Ha. So our kids are now pushing the truck and...wait. I'm totally confused. Suddenly the other three from each side are going too and the Greeks haven't even pushed a truck but suddenly they take over the lead and win? Aw, fuck this. Goddamn, man! Listen B/M, and I'm serious here. I'm tired. I'm hungry. My friends hate me because I have to watch your show instead of going out. At least don't make the thing worse as the weeks go on. You already said "fuck it" in regards to location and continuity. Now, suddenly, you put in dialogue no one can hear, throw boom mics into shots, and now you make a totally incomprehensible "mission." I swear, I'm close to coming down to that office and handing out copies of the book, "How To Make People Understand What The Fuck Is Happening On Your Television Show." It might help. Msaada blathers about James's ego also making him a fierce competitor; so it's like a mixed blessing, I guess. James is just mixed. No blessing. The Greek kids jump around, having won the hundred points, and we go back to the dressing rooms to de-grease.

James floats, "Do you ever have one of those points in your life where you're like, 'Dude, we can't lose?' Well, this is one of them." Shot of Greeks celebrating and saying something I, again, cannot hear. Theo says that they have to go back out there and "corral" it. Theo is fucking inspirational, man. So the second event is the Crash Course (Hey, a school reference! B/M, you cut-ups.) Calvin explains that the event is not about time, but about how many targets you can hit. By the way, the kids are all wearing monogrammed jumpsuits now. That look is in, baby. Kathryn floats. Let's listen: "So I'm expecting the worst, because I am the chosen one to the crash course." (Yes, her sentence structure is just that good.) However, Kathryn and everyone has a good laugh when the trucks come out, and are about three feet tall. Hee hee. This show just keep getting funnier and funnier. Fuck Sex & the City, from now on I'm turning to Road Rules for my weekly dose of yuks. Calvin tells the two girls racing to not intentionally hit each other, as they get in their "trucks." Some real comedy would be seeing Calvin trying to get into one of the little vehicles. That would kick ass.

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Road Rules




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