Road Rules
Alligators, Bugs, And Snakes Oh My!!!

Episode Report Card
Stee: C | Grade It Now!
Still Life

I just realized I haven't grown up at all since I was eleven. Proof? When I was eleven, I was putting my parents' VCR's pause button through the paces, freezing on Kerri Green's quick panty shot in Lucas. Over fifteen years later I'm still using the pause button to try to see a little more of the nearly naked people on my TV. I'm almost ashamed of myself. Almost.

For some reason instead of "Previously..." we get "Tonight on..." Road Rules. I fear change. Why would they do that to us?

Anyway. Tonight. Kendal and Eric playing around on a field. Kendal pretends she's a cop and jumps on Eric with a finger-gun. Eric wishes Shane were playing, too. Kendal puts little clips in Eric's hair as Eric tells us he's attracted to Kendal and that she's "awesome." Kendal says that there are some things about Eric she finds attractive. Eric is very excited about the pink clips and jokes that he would have made a beautiful little girl. Ew. Kendal adds that she doesn't know Eric as a person, however, but just as a member of the group. I just know him as a member, too.

Night. The kids get a NEXTEL DIRECT CONNECT clue to meet outside a gallery. They are still in New Orleans. Poor New Orleans. They are to be ready to "bare [their] soul." Kendal Scooby's this out to mean that they're going to be naked.

Theme song. Opening. Ah, I see why they did it like this. They wanted to tells us quickly that there is a reason to watch tonight -- the kids will be naked -- before the crap theme music drives us away. (I like that the B/M-sponsored captioners still have no fucking idea what the song lyrics are. For some reason, that makes me very happy; it's the tangible evidence of total apathy.)

Eric tool-overs, and we see, that he and Shane go into the RV park bathroom and Rachel and Kendal decide to follow them in there. Eric calls out from a shower stall, asking if Rachel and Kendal are getting naked. They are. He asks Shane -- whose stall they went into -- whether he's getting naked, too. He says he doesn't have a choice. The girls say that they're waiting for Eric and that this is a "once in a lifetime" chance for him, and prude Eric calls from his stall that he's so stupid for not going in there right now. Then suddenly the girls bum rush Eric's stall. He starts screaming and then camera-tools that he hid in the corner like a "scared little boy." Maybe the "little boy" part of him was why he was hiding from the girls. He says he's embarrassed, but then when Shane comes and joins them, he immediately leaves. (If he can't shower alone with Shane, he doesn't want to shower with him at all.) Kendal camera-sluts that she doesn't know why Eric is so scared to shower with other whores...I mean, "other people." Shane tells us that it's "frightening" for him and that he's more conservative. Well. I have nothing to say to that.

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Road Rules




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