Next up on Road Rules...the kids sitting in a room. Theo yodels, "The Real World has come to reclaim their beloved Shorty." The dog. Finally with the fake Sony dog. The Real World's Melissa says, "We're about to do some tribal warfare." Theo says some of his patented nonsense about the competition heating up. James and Laterrian crazy, shirtless dancing around a fire pit. Laterrian and David fighting over a stick. Huge worms on a plate for "worm-eating competition." Kathryn turning red and shaking while eating a worm. Hee. Holly almost gags in the background. Someone says something about lesbians in the water and Melissa yells back, "I am still strictly dickly, thank you." I love how The Real World keeps showing up on Road Rules but not vice-versa, as far as I know. It's so Slash doing some guest-playing on his not-famous brother's album. Poor Road Rules. Always the bridesmaid...never the good television.

What the fuck? Under the credit sequence, we get shots from this week's episode while a rap song plays. A rap instead of some crappy Theo banter? Can they do that? Actually, I guess I should consider myself lucky. "In the heart of every man," says the rap. "Lies a piece of another man. From another land. Now. Take my hand so we both can sit, by an astral stream then we can lift. Ugh!" Um. Yes, ugh! The voice-over guy tells us that we can log onto MTV.com right now and talk to the cast of Road Rules about tonight's episode. Of course, they're talking 10:30 PM EST, so really I could log on and ask Holly, "Uh, what's the episode going to be about tonight? Cuz, all that's on is Sisqo's Shakedown out here." But then again, I wouldn't have known about the chat since the show isn't on here until 1 AM EST, so I missed my chance to ask Holly what the fuck is up with the cheek stars. Oh well. There's one mystery that will just have to go unanswered. The other, of course is, "Why is Road Rules still on?"