As the kids enter the shop to make a Mooti call, Charlton Heston runs across my screen screaming, "Mooti is made from people! It's people!" Charlton Heston is quickly replaced by a scrolling graphic informing us that Msaada, Theo, and Holly are going to be doing a live chat after the show tonight about this episode. I guess MTV is trying to make this their "Very Special" episode, like the "Bicycle Man" episode of Diff'rent Strokes (Dudley's such a little slut) or the "A, My Name Is Alex" Family Ties. Suddenly, the aforementioned large woman (I think her name is VuVu, but we'll just call her Vu for short) busts out of an alley, smiling, wearing white eye paint that makes her look like the Hamburglar or the Lone Ranger. In a very thick accent she says, "I've been waiting for you. Your ancestors already arrived in my dreams. They told me that you are coming so that you can become traditional doctors. We are going to throw bones, we are going to divine and throw bones. I'm going to train you." Shots of the kids looking stupefied, as opposed to their usual just-plain-stupid expressions. Theo can't even get his mom to visit him at college and alla sudden she's hanging out with Vu? That's cold, yo. Suddenly, James floats in four separate boxes -- two reverse images. (Dear B/M Editors: I hate you. Love, Stee.) Butchering the English language, James says, "Our mission is to become traditional healers and to go through the training that we have to go through." And this kid got into UC Berkeley? Bet you a dollar it was on rugby scholarship. Wait, do they even have rugby scholarships? Come to think of it: What the fuck is rugby? The thing the limeys play that's sort of like the old, offensively named "Smear the Queer"? Naw, no way they give scholarships for that shit. James' dad must, like, own Chevron or something. A double-screened reverse-shot floaty Holly trivializes Vu's entire sacred belief system in one fell swoop by telling us that throwing bones is like "fortune telling." Hand gesture. Smile. Smile. Scaryteeth. That's my girl. Holly already knows a lot about throwing bones. Vu says, "So we are going to the village," and James gets all excited because he's never been to the West Village before and he's heard that there are really friendly bars like The Monster and Stonewall, but he's quickly disappointed to learn that she means her village here in Africa, and not the one in New York. It's hard watching a dream die. But then again, my dream of a pleasant evening dies every Monday. B/M is killing me loudly with their show, killing me loudly. Meanwhile, my cat is staring at one of the forty flying ants that have chosen this blisteringly hot day to invade my living room. Ooh, maybe the ants will fly at me and drive me out of my house, making it just darn impossible for me to finish this recap. I look over, and they're all mysteriously gone. They must have seen what was on TV and just been like, "Oh, hell no. C'mon boys, we're going next door. I heard they're watching Seinfeld."
Episode Report CardStee: D | 290 USERS: C+
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