During the commercials I must drift off, because I dream of Theo and James being eaten alive by flying ants. I wake up to realize it's me, and that there's two-thirds of this motherfucker to go. Deciding to end it all, I run and jump out the window. I forget I'm only on the second floor so I land and simply scrape my knee. My neighbor, who is getting her mail, sees me and chuckles, "Ah, Monday. Road Rules, huh?"
Shit, we're back. Enya singing. Bag of blood. Bowl of blood. Goat head. The four accept goat meat and eat it. "Mmm. Go big or go home," says James. Msaada says she didn't come to Africa to eat at McDonald's. She adds a "dude," but I have no other choice than to forgive her and blame James. Kathryn finds the meat "interesting." Kathryn always does. Laterrian and James, in civilian garb, walk down a grassy road and talk about their bowing out. "Different strokes for different strokes, young brotha," says Laterrian. Oh, shut up about your strokes. The both of youse. Laterrian floats that he doesn't want to let his teammates down in terms of getting their "handsome reward." Oh. My. God. Laterrian is totally smoking the B/M pipe with the "handsome reward" thing. I swear their reward is going to be George Clooney. Sellout-terrian goes on to say that he can't put a price on his beliefs. Shit. I believe in quality television, but here I am watching Road Rules like the whore I am. What, you want me to sit through a Sliders marathon next week? Cool. Let me just bend over for you. So Theo starts talking about African beliefs being "questionable" and realizes he's getting in trouble, so he just says that he didn't grow up here so he doesn't believe in them. Theo goes shirtless floaty again and says that the teammates don't see the pride in his eyes when he stands up for his beliefs. Fuck your beliefs. Even Amaya bobbed for the goddamn pigs' feet. Sure, she did gag and cry afterwards, but she did it. Back to Theo and L.T. walking. More talking. Blah blah blah don't-wanna-kill-no-goat cakes. Ladysmith Black Mambazo sings as Laterrian and Theo walk amidst twenty little kids. They are the Pied Idiots of South Africa. B/M forgets to bring a windshield for the microphone because they've only been doing this shit for, oh, nine years. Theo talks about trying to head to some waterfalls we then see in the distance. (Quick note to television producers everywhere: If you can't craft a show that is more interesting than watching a lazy-ass cat give the stink-eye to a bug, it's time to throw in the towel and look up the word "compelling" in Webster's.) Laterrian and Theo head off, leading the village kids in a nonsensical and geographically way-off chant about "Puerto Rico."