Road Rules
Blood And Goats

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | Grade It Now!
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The Horror. The Horror

Eight days ago maybe, back at the village, the cow is tied up and forced down as the kids watch in sadness and curiosity and mixed-emotion-hood. Cut back to the new couple taking pictures of the rainbows. Tribal music plays. Back to the cow. Back to a now shirtless L.T. and Theo frolicking in the water. Cow. Happy couple. Cow. Couple. Cow. Couple. Faster and faster. So basically, these film geeks who B/M -- for some unknown reason -- have obviously farmed this episode to, have also seen Apocolypse Now a few damn too many times. Any minute now, I expect Marlon Brando to whisper, "I think I swallowed a bug." The cow is killed. Theo yells a tribal-happy-gay-waterfall yell. Kathryn mouths, "Oh my God." Theo yells. Splashes. Kathryn turns to Msaada for comfort. Theo. Vu hugs Kathryn. Then Vu starts singing along with the clapping. She really does have the most amazing voice, for a lampshade-wearing, Nell Carter-looking, cow-killing, traditional-healing, Mooti licker. Holly sadly pokes the ground with a stick because she couldn't summon tears and therefore couldn't summon Vu or the cameras and she really has just as much to offer as Kathryn and, damn, will she ever live down the incident when she yelled at the cameraman? I mean, will she have to fucking pay forever?! Back at the waterfall, and Laterrian and Theo are all wet and look very satisfied. Laterrian says rashly that it was probably the single greatest moment in his life. Theo is that good?! Theo smiles and agrees with him -- that he and Laterrian really have some insanely wonderful chemistry -- saying, "Talk about some traditional healing. That'll pretty much heal anybody, I think." Theo tells the camera how much fun he had. (Note: There is a slight possibility that they might have been talking about the waterfall here, and not gay mountain sex.)

Night. Bark at the Moon. Laterrian and Msaada meet in the short bus. Laterrian asks Msaada if she ate the goat. She smiles and says that it was good. She and Laterrian have a very passive-aggressive conversation about how Laterrian wasn't going to give up his beliefs, while Msaada isn't a vegetarian and so she has no right to bitch. Laterrian argues that sacrificing a cow to his ancestors is different. "Whatever," knifes Msaada, before walking away. Msaada voice-overs that she thought they all would experience this together, and now the two groups have different memories, and "it's completely different." She obviously wants them all to get along and have fun together. You know, Theo and Laterrian would just rather be alone in the water together. Just as you can't stop the rain, you can't stop the sheer force of young love. Nonsensical shots of thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening. Me, Stee-so-bored-o. Stee-so-bored-o. Stee-so-bored-o, figaro. Magnifico. I'm watching Road Rules, nobody loves me. He's watching Road Rules, witness his misery. Spare him his life from this monstrosity. Easy Kat. Easy James. Will you let me go? MTV, no! We will not let you go. Let him go! MTV! We will not let you go. Let him go! MTV! We will not let you go. Let him go! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Bunim/Murray, Bunim/Murray, Bunim/Murray let me go. MightyBigTV has a new show put aside for me. For me. For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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