Road Rules
Blood And Goats

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | Grade It Now!
The Horror. The Horror

Uh, sorry. I think I broke something on that last note. Good thing we're at commercial.

Look. It's Lost Highway on the Independent Film Channel. Seriously, I would rather watch Bill Pullman playing a tenor-sax player who turns into Balthazar Getty who turns back into Bill Pullman, than continue to sit through Road Rules. I'd even rather watch the Lenny Kravitz Making the Video. Hell, I'd rather watch Providence. Well...okay, that's pushing it.

Vu says a bunch of shit I don't understand, but I think it has something to do with her telling the villagers that her "students" are now ready to throw and read bones and answer questions for them. We see the "bones" thrown, and they're actually a collection of weird shit like shells, dice, keys, and even a few backgammon pieces. Not exactly the sacred knuckle bones from a long-deceased tribal elder that I expected. Msaada explains that each bone has a meaning and a representation, and it depends on where the things land and which side up, blah blah blah voodoocakes. So Kathryn "reads" for Vu, and Vu makes it sound like Kathryn is a genius; she just kind of goes along with everything Kathryn says, and in such a believable way that Kathryn suddenly thinks she's a fucking visionary. "The evil spirit is in the mouth of your paternal grandfather." "Yes!" "There's an evil spirit present that they have overcome." "Yes! I can't believe it." "And this upturned Bazooka Joe comic means that your third cousin's dog once ate a bar of soap." "Yes! Your power scares and confuses me." GullibleKat then floats, "I received certain vibes. Like, I feel just a certain presence, I don't know how to explain it. Like, I just feel certain things." Kathryn "feels" a lot of things -- especially in T.G.I. Friday's bathrooms. "Your ancestors are responding," says Vu. Well, maybe, but I imagine they'd be "responding" a little less if B/M wasn't paying you. So now it's Holly's turn to shine! Holly tries to do a reading for a woman. She points to a shell and says, "This is your husband...or boyfriend...or significant other...not such a good thing." She goes on to say that the woman might get some money from an accident that's not her fault. Everyone smiles, having no fucking clue what the hell this white girl is babbling about -- big Vu just offered them some extra beef shanks if they'd humor the stupid Americans for an afternoon. Msaada does a reading on James: "This is, I guess, your girlfriend, and it's turned down. It's not looking good." James groans. Vu winks to the B/M camera. She really does. James now reads Kathryn: "Neither your fiancé, nor your secret lover are really, uh, doing too well now, but I think the interesting thing to say is that they're both close to each other so there might be some kind of choice in the future for ya." Hee. Kathryn thanks him. James just made all that shit up. He doesn't know what the key facing north means. Jackass.

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Road Rules




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