Road Rules
Dean Jumping

Episode Report Card
Stee: C+ | Grade It Now!
This Boot Is Made For Sarah

RV. Night. Their two Mayors bust into their RV. Man, if you walk uninvited into a man's trailer home in Texas, you getting your ass shot. These guys -- Whitney and Fernando -- are lucky. They're from Texas Tech University, and their trespassing asses read clunky lines about showing up on campus tomorrow morning for surfing, wearing swimsuits. Afterwards, Sarah says they're doing something related to surfing tomorrow; they just don't know what. Good job, Sarah. As she talks, she rubs her hand all over her nose, releasing a gigantic dollop of snot she then flings onto Darrell's cornrows when he's not looking. (Seriously, though. I would have kicked Sarah's sick, snotty-ass out of the RV weeks ago. Or else I'd fashion myself a protective suit out of Vitamin C and Echinacea.)

Morning. Tech Texas. They're advertising Britney Spears in concert. In Lubbock? Okay. Whatever works. The kids pull up to see life-sized cut-outs of the kids standing in a parking lot. Then Darrell says, "Here comes our van, yo." It's a beat blue Mystery Machine-looking thang with a huge net on top and a surfboard in the middle. The kids chatter and say they're confused. Mayor Fernando explains that they will be car-surfing. They'll get into pairs and then one person will drive the van through the "course" (around the parking lot, through the big photos) while the other "surfs" on top of the van. He adds that their goal is to get 120 mph cumulative, meaning that each person will have to average 20 mph. Sarah is freaking, already knowing she's going to fuck up royally. If one person only gets 15, someone else will have to get 25 to keep their average up. They go on that it seems easy, but it's not -- it's a stick transmission and it's on a "tree," meaning the shifter is up on the drive shaft. Shane stands by his photo, saying he can't really drive stick. (Yeah, right. Shane has driven stick lots of times.) Sarah -- and we just see her photo as she talks -- also says she can't drive stick. (I also don't believe her one bit.) Their prize sucks -- it's a Playstation 2. The mayor has to point out that it also "doubles as a DVD player" to try to make them think they're winning more than just one donated two-hundred-dollar toy. The kids jump up and down at gunpoint, pretending to be excited. Rachel says that they will keep their prizes.

The GirlMayor reads the "official rules." There are two: they have to go in teams of two, and the speed they were at before they fall is their official speed. They'll have an hour total to practice, but only driving; no one can be on top. Shane and Sarah -- those-most-likely-to-be-booted -- are paired up. Eric and Rachel. Darrell and Kendal. Montage Of Practicing. Sarah stands on the surf board on the ground. Kendal. Shane drives. Rachel drives. Kendal drives. Sarah, in her bikini, climbs behind the wheel, saying, "This sucks." No, honey, you got the quote wrong. It's "Sarah sucks." Remember? Suddenly, we see there is a Creepy Driving Instructor lurking in the back of the Buffalo Bill couch van, "helping" out. Creepy Guy tries to teach Sarah how to drive a stick. She stalls out right away. I hope the van breaks down. That shit would be funny. Sarah goes way too fast through the course and skids, knocking over the Rachel standee. Hee. "We're screwed," Sarah says. True dat. Commercials.

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Road Rules




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