Road Rules
Desert Dueling

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Here are some questions that watching early-morning MTV makes me ask. Does Nelly have face cancer? Of the *NSYNC boys, why is it that the little blonde bug-eyed one and the fat one are the first making their movie debuts? Does Ja Rule look like an upset, colicky baby to anyone but me? I know no one is watching Road Rules this season, but is anyone watching The Real World, either? Do you know anyone who is going to see K-PAX who isn't just a rabid and vaguely-sad-at-this-point Jeff Bridges freak like me? Is Carson as pissed off about the emergence of the pretty damn cool and smart Gideon Yago as I think he is? Does P. Diddy know he's not even spelling his name correctly in his new song? And, oh yeah, why am I up at 8:00 AM watching MTV? That's the best question of all.

Incidentally, Road Rules is doing something weird this year where they don't play the tag ending until the repeat the next week. In this one from last week, Ellen talks about refusing to dunk her vagina and ass in pigeon feces while ADDam offers Blair ten dollar to go all the way under.

Another quick question: I don't understand why Steve Oedekerk is now hawking his stupid Thumb Wars video in commercials on MTV. Does anyone actually care? Really. Just go direct crap movies and leave us alone.

Previously...they get a clue to go to Marrakech. The Six of Suck say they know that they're going to meet the Real World kids there, and then begin complaining, over shots of the RW kids in NYC, how easy a life they lead and how coddled they are. And let me just point out here that, yes, the two met weeks and weeks ago in a RW episode. I don't remember if is was post-Jisela, because Katie didn't even fucking arrive until they were in Spain, right? See! I watch every asslicking second of this show and I'm still all confused. Just suffice it to say, the Time Line is Fizz-ucked like it ain't never been Fizz-ucked be-fizz-ore. ADDam floats that those "pampered bastards" are about to get it.

Credits. Don't waste my time. I got a life to lead, Cha-Cha.

Tioga. Day. Driving. Map. "Fes." The desert. A beautiful house in the desert. We learn it's the Real World Mansion. Crap opera music plays. The kids arrive at the mansion. Ellen left-eyes that in all the time they were in Morocco they never got to go to a nice house like this until the Real World kids showed up and boo boo boo. Someone says it's like the Casting Special all over again and the kids round the corner in the mansion to find the RW kids sitting and we get a retread of the same scene where everyone runs and hugs while Coral just sits eating her bitch pizza. Lord, Mike sure runs like a big caricature of a yokel running. Katie smokes and voice-overs, calling theRW kids "yuppies." What year is this? Adam has a brief conversation with Nicole while Coral chomps on and Adam asks Coral how she's getting along with everyone as he floats that he calls Coral a bitch and he doesn't even live in the house. This is Adam's single greatest feature -- that he treats Coral like shit and doesn't kowtow to her at all. That and the fact that he got Ellen to go down on him in the RV while everyone slept. That's pretty fresh, too.

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Road Rules

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