Road Rules

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | 273 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Bye-Curious

Cliffs. The sun. Music recycled from the failed B/M show, Making The Crap-Ass Instrumental Elevator Music Band plays. The kids get out of their RV, somewhere, and meet Carlos, their instructor. He wears a t-shirt advertising his company andaluciaextrem.com, which just totally rolls of the fucking tongue. There are signs everywhere and obviously B/M has received a few lire or whatever for this shit. Man, I hate...well, I just hate, that's all. In a terribly edited section, the kids float and voice-over that they have a day to train, but that they don't know what they'll train for, and Jisela wonder how long this mission is, and shut up. The kids get in a short bus driven by Carlos and they pass an ambulance waiting and make nervous jokes and Sophia says "dog" a lot. Ellen, seeing people climbing rocks, guesses that they'll be rock climbing. She's a genius! Adam says that someone is "belaying" someone else and that's right, Adam likes to get in the crack. I forgot. Jisela floats that she hopes it's not mountain climbing, but rather she wants it to be something in the water. Jisela likes water sports, apparently. Dirty girl.

So the kids watch someone climbing and jumping down the rock. The kids sit down in front of a bunch of gear and the instructors talk about having confidence and trusting in the equipment and blah blah blah blahcakes. Carlos continues on, and finally people start climbing what Jisela floats is a "flattened" rock, but she pronounces it like Ad Rock pronounces "Manhattan." Ellen is climbing now, and she asks to do a trick; she does a bad-ass horizontal cartwheel on the face of this straight rock. It's pretty fucking cool. Too bad it's the best thing she'll ever do in her entire life. Jisela, so fucking transparently bitter and afraid, goes floaty and disses Ellen for showing off when they're supposed to be training. Sophia makes it to the top. Blair climbs barefoot. He makes it to the top and then tells the camera he just climbed a bigger rock than he does at home. I guess Blair likes the crack too. Hey, like, where's Steve? Just checking. I like to check everyone once in a while.

Road Rules

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