Road Rules
Falling Head Over Heals

Episode Report Card
Stee: D+ | Grade It Now!

In the trailer, again, Adam says that he can smell Ellen's pussy. He so stole that line from Multiple Migs in Silence of the Lambs. I hope Blair makes him choke on his own tongue. ADDam cackles as Ellen hits him and whines, "You are so disgusting." Jisela then floats that she hates Adam when he's not on his meds. Adam goes into some weird hand game/chant about saving it for Oprah, but then he fucks up and just laughs. Ellen calls him something. Adam then starts to say something, but Ellen just tells him to take his medicine. And then -- and I can't believe I have to write this -- Ellen floats, "Take your medicine. Program it into your Fossil watch." Jesus Christ, B/M can fit in a commercial anywhere. One of the kids could die and they'd find a way to do a cooperative crossover deal with some casket maker. I hate everything. Ellen whores on that Adam is a grown man (sorta) and needs to take responsibility for his actions (true).

The Tioga driving. Driving. Driving. Adam and Ellen stand outside the RV as Ellen tells Adam, using the third person for him in a way that makes me want them to fly home and leave her in Morocco to fend for herself (read: prostitution), that she doesn't like having to see "the other Adam" and it makes her want to say, "Peace out." For the adults out there, "peace out" is a farewell greeting, which means that Ellen is saying it makes her not want to have anything to do with Adam anymore. Got it, people? Good. Adam crosses the street and sits down as a little dog watches. Are there just little dogs wandering around jigga-wherever and whenever this is taking place? Ellen naturally follows the dog that's following Adam, because that's what she does, and continues talking. She's all hyped up as she whores that she's being herself and giving what she can but and that there's a line, that she hasn't reached yet, where she'll give up and maybe she should put her wall back up and be like, "Peace out." She goes all head-bobby and bug-eyed as she delivers this scathing rebuke, which is such a pussy non-drawing-the-line drawing-the-line. She's wimpier than Popeye's hamburger-mooching friend. She continues backpedalling about what a great bond they have and Adam just ignores her until he finally says, "I have no idea what bond you're talking about," and then gets up and leaves, saying that he's going to go write his friends an email saying that he can't trust Ellen...or maybe he can trust Ellen, he adds. No sense. Neither of them. As Adam walks away, Ellen busts out a slightly modified version of the Springer Hand Claw of Seriousness, which is the Springer Hand Claw of Codependent Sassiness, as she yells after him that maybe he should write his friends to say that he has a split personality! (Ooh, snap.) "Such a jackass," she mutters as Adam goes into the Tioga, by which she really means, "I love me that man."

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Road Rules




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