Road Rules
Frosty Face Off, Part II

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Snow Holly and the Seven Tantrums

Previously on Road Rules: Floaty Kathryn helpfully reminds us that MTV.COM has brought in six contest winners with incorrectly spelled names (Neel, Kelli, Valeri, Shanta, Erik, and Toby) to "take [their] money" in an assortment of winter events. A bunch of kids fall on the slopes. Floaty Holly boasts, "This mission is going to be pretty much onnnnnnn my shoulders to pull everybody through this." Shanta calls Holly a bitch, as Kathryn shrugs her shoulders and clutches her water bottle like it's her dollie.

The Scroad Master does his little introduction, and *SPOILER*...doesn't show up at all this episode. Rock! Maybe the B/M-holes are getting the message that He Ruins Everything. Let's hope.

Over shots of the twelve kids milling about the ski resort, looking glum and depressed that their lives have come to this, James attempts to stir up some drama by babbling about the tension of competition, how you can feel it in the air, and how "some people are meant for it and some people aren't." Laterrian eats yet another banana. Dude, what do you think his potassium levels are? Can that be healthy? Theo, hypnotized by the shiny purty medals, yodels, "Dope," and holds up a hideous yellow-striped uni-tard that looks like it was designed by a very drunk Eddie Van Halen. Theo chaws, "I'm going to look bad-ass." Theo is a uni-tard. Floaty Holly tells us, "I don't want to watch them go home with my money. I don't want to watch them go home with my glory." As Holly says this, she shimmies her neck back and forth like Wilona telling Buffalo Butt to fix her door "or else," as J.J. looks up from his painting and laughs. The difference being that Holly is very, well, white, and thus it doesn't quite work for her, I'm sorry to say. (And incidentally, if winning this event equals "glory" to Holly, she is more fucked up than I could have ever imagined.) The three dot-com girls, still wearing their hideous Scarves of Ugly, tell the camera that there is tension, but no cat-scratching. "Who is the tension with?" a crew-woman audibly asks, breaking the rules. "Holly," reply the girls. And as Valeri with an "i" talks, Shanta leans in, interrupting Valeri, and says, "She's a bitch." The B/M producers hand Shanta a hundred bucks for stirring up shit, and she uses it to go buy a better scarf. Holly eats a plum (what's with these kids and fruit?) in the lodge as she leans in to tell Kathryn something; we get subtitles, like we're watching one of those Scottish films where Robert Carlyle is actually speaking English, but we still can't understand a fucking word he's saying. Anyway, the subtitles say, "Shanta comes in, walks up to me and goes, 'Bitch.'" Kathryn literally just turns around and walks away. Hee. Kathryn's like, "Hey, look at that shoe, Holly -- it seems to fit." Since Kathryn didn't squeal with outrage, Holly next tells her not-so-secret admirer, Olympic skier and "Mission Mayor" Picabo Street, "She walks in and goes 'bitch' while no one else is around, so no one can catch it." Picabo takes Holly's head and places it between her breasts to comfort her, but of course they don't show it.

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Road Rules




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