Road Rules

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453 USERS: C+
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Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

"There's a lot of speculation," says the beginning of some crappy house music song as we see Laterrian whispering to Kathryn while Holly looks on, really bummed out that she's not the center of attention. Holly's also mad that Kathryn totally bit her white girl afro puffs style. Okay, now here's where B/M pushes me over the edge...We get a black screen and on it, small squares appear one by one, then disappear. Each square contains a floaty cast member talking about Kathryn and Laterrian. The squares are in certain positions so that it becomes clear that they're doing a Brady Bunch, which is bad on so many levels. The dialogue is meaningless drivel, adding up to the fact that no one knows for sure, or will say for sure, if K & L have or will get together. We get things like, "I don't know, I can only speculate" and "we're just friends" and "there's been some flirting on both of their parts" and "they seem to have, you know, like a very unique bond" and "he's not my type" and "I'm not a nosy person" and "I'm smell something burning, and it's definitely, things are heating up." (Theo got a hundred bucks from B/M for that last one.) We end with Laterrian and Kathryn's squares coming together and they both look sheepish. Okay, I learned three things from that sequence. One: Man, are the B/M editors bored. Two: The others are starting to get Msaada to say "dude" all the time, too. And three: Theo is Alice the maid. Hee.

"Next, on Road Rules..." Floaty Kathryn, hovering over the kids having a nice dinner, says, "Laterrian is not going to get in my pants." Tiny floaty Laterrian says that Kathryn mistakes his being nice for flirting, but then floaty Theo tells us that at this dinner we're seeing, Kathryn and Laterrian at some point just disappear together. At a motel, Holly and Msaada bust into a room to announce, "Reed's here." James tells us that Laterrian and Kathryn are "two peas in a pod, dude: they both can't go a long time without sex." Laterrian, lying on a bed, hangs his head. Knowing the B/M powers of manipulation, who knows what the hell is really going on here...

Over the credits, the kids sit in the cop station holding cell during the fingerprinting, singing a fake spiritual. Theo tells God that they're going to need his help out in the wilderness, as they sing "oh my Lord, Lord Lord." Holly smiles with the Scaryteeth as a cop forcibly pulls James out of the cell. Hey Copper, while you're at it, can't you pull him right off the show? Think about it, please?

Road Rules

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