Road Rules
Fugitives Of Love

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Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

Now Laterrian busts out with a flirty line that I myself like to use a lot: "You kissed a black guy?" Either Kathryn is hard of hearing or ignoring him, because he has to ask her again. Kathryn says no but then not wanting to sound like a racist or a prude, says that she doesn't remember. "You would know," says Laterrian, momentarily forgetting about that ol' devil woman called Alcohol. Kathryn goes on to admit that she's only kissed about twenty guys in her life. "Damn, that's my weekly average," thinks Holly, listening in. Kathryn adds that she's "not the random type of girl." Theo, meanwhile, is the random type of guy -- ninety-five percent of what he says is totally random. Laterrian/T goes floaty now, saying that he finds Kathryn hot, "but," they are friends. "There's no hidden agenda," he adds, smiling as if to say, "Man, am I going to nail that little white girl." Is it just me or does Laterrian always sound like he has a cold? Someone get homeboy some Benadryl. A weird clipped-together sound montage/conversation between the two happens as we get boring split-screen shots of trains and pick-ups and other rural scenery. Laterrian doesn't want to step on Reed's toes, or anything. Kathryn, again, misses the "like, the little attention." "That's why I said you're not in love with him," opines the presumptuous (and horny) Laterrian. Man, Laterrian is trying hard. Poisoning the boyfriend in the girlfriend's eyes. Classic move. (Not that I've ever done such a thing. I've just heard about it...) Kathryn now: "I think that maybe our definitions are [sic] love, are very different." Floaty Laterrian says, "Kathryn is just, like, me, in a blonde-haired green-eyed white girl." I'm getting the feeling Laterrian would love to be in a blonde-haired green-eyed white girl.

Ah, gratuitous Howard Johnson's product placement number five(?), as the kids bed down for the night in luxury. Well, in the HoJo ghetto-ass version of luxury. In room four-twelve, the guys stand around the bathroom shirtless and giggling as Laterrian shaves with an electric razor. (Ladies: never trust a man who shaves with an electric razor.) Meanwhile, in four-fourteen, Kathryn calls the shirtless James and Laterrian on the phone. (Theo isn't shirtless, but he is shoeless. And clueless.) This sequence is all very pointless (the obligatory product placement is obviously the only point). So it's nighttime and the kids quickly head back to the Shasta because, as Kathryn informs James, there is a blue light going off inside the RV. Damn. You know for whom the blue light tolls. Yes. The Road Master. We are treated to three screens of the blue light strobing as the kids clamor inside for story time. "James," says the Bloated One. "Remember when you and your frat buddies stole that statue? How did it feel, to be hunted by the cops in the dead of night? Were you scared, or did it give you a little thrill?...Jim, better stay in line tomorrow, Jim." And yeah, we know how he ends each little mini-play: Check the email blah blah blah and then, "Nighty-night." MTV is so trying to push this little "Nighty-night" catch-phrase. Probably trying to build up interest around town for a feature film project. Maybe it could be like the Ernest series. The Road Master Goes to Camp. The Road Master Goes to the Army. First, though, I'd recommend, The Road Master Goes to Acting Class. Can you see it: kids all over the country saying "Nighty-night" like they once said, "Know-what-I-mean?" You can't? Oh good. Neither can I.

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Road Rules




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