Road Rules
Fugitives Of Love

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Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

Anyway, so we get a bunch of bad sound edits and James, wearing his hat with the logo MTV insists on pixeling out, puts his head on the table as Theo yodels, "I think we are being in the circus, I really do." What? Where the hell did he get that? Statue. Stay in line. Hunted by the cops. From that he deduced "circus"? Theo is Ernest. Ernest Goes to Road Rules. Oh, and now Theo opens the iBook to read their next directions. I can't believe they let him near that thing. Their mail tells them they're to go to City Hall in Toccoa, Georgia to meet "Butch." Check it: I would never go anywhere in Georgia to meet a guy named "Butch." Just a tip. Theo, naturally, mispronounces the name of the town while trying to make a joke as they keep featuring odd, out-of-place shots of Laterrian looking mildly wistful. Off they are to the KOA Kampground in the area. Too many "K's" in the deep South make me nervous. (I am reminded of the Dennis Miller line, "I just got back from a tour of the deep South. Personally, I find the people there anything but deep.")

It's still nighttime and a graphic alerts us that the next sequence will be called "You Should Be With Me." Good. Great. Ah, so Laterrian is reading Kathryn his favorite poem, "A Woman Waits For Me," by Walt Whitman. Here's a conundrum: One would think with the poetry and all that he's Laterrian (not "T") here, but is he truly Laterrian since he is doing all this to impress and hopefully sleep with a girl? Think about it. Laterrian goes on to quickly quote the first couple lines he remembers. However, then he begins paraphrasing, "You should be with me for the sake, not only for the sake of you, or the sake of me, but also for the sake of others, because, you being with someone else is not...is not as good as you being with me. And I'm just like..." Wow. I really hope Laterrian was paraphrasing because otherwise...that's not a very good poem. Kathryn laughs as she floatily tells us, "L.T. is a very deep person." Ha. "Deep." I used to call things "deep" too, when I was twelve. I'm pretty sure I called Some Kind of Wonderful "deep." And "Live to Tell" by Madonna, too. Laterrian is deep, all right -- he's trying to get deep into your pants. Kathryn goes on to explain, "When he reads a poem he also, he doesn't just read the poem and say 'wow, great poem,' he thinks about it and applies it to his life." Oh My God! That's what you're supposed to do with poems? Thanks, Kathryn. Laterrian is deep. He thinks about what he reads. Co-oo-ol! Laterrian, obviously thinking he's near to closing the deal, reaches deep into his bag of cheese, saying that the only reason he gets sad is that he doesn't have anyone to quote Whitman too. Okay. I'm not above using a line on a woman, but...Jesus, man! I feel embarrassed and I'm not even the one who said it. Laterrian again: "You don't do that with random-ass girls you meet on the street." Oh, I do. Whenever I see a pretty girl I say, "Wassup, baby. O powerful western fallen star! O shades of night -- O moody, tearful night! You wanna go back to my place and knock boots?" They love that shit.

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Road Rules

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