Road Rules
Fugitives Of Love

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Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

Anyway, so now we're in the Shasta as everyone prepares for bed. Because of the B/M editing magic, it appears now that the kids were kicked out of the HoJo. Laterrian and Kathryn lie in bed together, as "L.T." babbles about the woman to whom he'd read Whitman. He confusingly, and creepily, switches to using the second person for this hypothetical woman, saying, "I want to be there...I want you to touch me only." Kathryn looks equally baffled by Laterrian's confusing syntax...if not also by the fact that he's in her bed. Theo and the others stare back at them, confused. Floaty Theo with the Blue Star of Death on his cheek says that he wondered if there was some sort of "chemical equation" between Kathryn and Laterrian. "But it's just hide-and-go-seek. It's just hide-and-go-seek." What? What?! Man, I swear sometimes I'm tempted also to think that Theo is like Confucius. Like you ask him a question and he's all, "Green Butterfly can't lift mountain without heart of grass." And you don't get it at all and you go home, but then maybe two weeks later, suddenly you're all, "Heart of grass! I get it!" So, suddenly it's 6:30 AM and a group of cop cars fly down the Kampground road with sirens going and lights flashing. The annoying piano soundtrack from Eyes Wide Shut plays as a bunch of cops knock on the Shasta door and inform the sleeping kids that they have five minutes to get ready. For some reason James is sleeping on the roof. I don't know what to think about that. I wonder if Theo is up there with him. I hate B/M. Not only do they ignore Msaada, but they make her do their dirty work: They make her floaty self tells us exactly what we're seeing. What a waste of cute. So the rural deep South cops begin handcuffing everyone and throwing them into a paddy-wagon. (Laterrian is first, and he looks very upset and/or scared about the whole deal; I don't blame him.) Split-screen nonsense as Holly goes to the dark side and momentarily gets Scaryteeth on us. And as the cops helpfully close the Shasta door, we see that it's nearly light outside; when they started it was dark. Obviously, it took the kids more than five minutes to get ready. Meanwhile, it took B/M seven minutes to get to the first commercial. But we're thankfully here...

So the kids are led into the police station -- well, the James A. Neal Public Safety Training Facility, to be exact. Actually, I have to say that the cops seem to do a fairly good job taking this silly-ass endeavor seriously and scaring the kids as they photograph and fingerprint them. The kids are made to get into ugly orange prisoner jumpsuits and told to use the bathroom if they have to. Msaada is very concerned as they put restraints on her which, our cops say, are used in mental wards. Again, Floaty Msaada is abused by B/M as she must explain exactly what we see -- that they're led again into the paddy-wagon to be taken somewhere; they don't yet know where or what is going on. Msaada again describes the scene as they are let out on a high woodsy ridge. We meet the new Mission Mayor, Andy, who barely unseated the last Mayor, Heel Cancer Boy Sloan, in the most recent elections. Andy here is Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive as he explains that they are to be "hobbled." Right away I'm thinking Kathy Bates is going to swing at their legs with a Gallagher mallet, but instead they are zip-tied by the legs to someone else. James and Holly are tied together, Theo and Msaada, and, naturally, Laterrian and Kathryn. B/M, manipulative? Nah. (When Mayor Andy says Msaada's name, though, I swear he doesn't even try to say it right. He just kinda says, "Muh...ah...and Theo.")

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Road Rules

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