Road Rules
Fugitives Of Love

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Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

The cops close in on a team as the helicopter leads them to the kids. I think using a helicopter is pretty unfair. If those cops can't catch a bunch of kids wearing orange jumpsuits, shackled, totally unfamiliar with the terrain, followed by fucking camera crews, and with predetermined destinations without a helicopter, they should think about hiring a new police force in the great city of Toccoa. Then again, I like how bumbling the cops seem, since nervous cops result in a greater chance of shots being fired in panic...and you know what chance that increases. (R.I.P.: Holly.) Theo and Msaada battle thorns as Holly and James get all Romancing the Stone on us and slide down a dirt hill. The cameraman then gets a great idea to recreate the POV for us by sliding his camera down a hill. I used to do that shit in seventh grade with my friend Devin's dad's video camera. It was good for two stoned kids entertaining themselves, but I'm not sure about primetime television. Theo and Msaada struggle with the map, as the cops continue to follow with dogs and donuts. I'm kidding about the donuts. James and Holly hide in some pine trees from the Blue Thunder above. Why hide when a fucking camera crew is standing there filming you? Oh right, I forgot: invisible camera crew. Msaada and Theo continue to have trouble reading the map and remembering what landmarks they've passed, as they seem more and more in trouble by the second. I think the fact that the other two teams long ago figured out to get rid of their leg shackles does not bode well for team Class and an Ass. Holly and James hide and then wade through a crick, only to emerge into a clearing full of cops. They scream. The cops yell for them not to run. Holly bolts. One of the cops panics and unloads his .45 into Holly's back. Holly flops to the ground, dead...Oh, sorry, I did I say that out loud? I mean, Holly and James comply and they are "apprehended." I offer one of the cops fifty bucks to release his German Shepherd"by mistake," but he says no. Damn. Msaada and Theo are nearby, with the "target" in sight, and they decide just to sprint for the tower. The cops close in as we fade to commercial. Ooh, but Bunim-Murray, I can't stand the suspense. Do they make it do they make it do they make it?

Yeah, we got an ad for The Lyricist Lounge Show! I told you you can't stop me!

So Theo and Msaada head down a hill, and are approached by a cop. They try to run back up the hill, but -- oh man, I don't even know what they're trying to accomplish. They're caught. Afterwards, Theo yodels with his usual swamp-philosopher flair, "We got nabbed. This has been a twisted game of Siamese hide-and-go-seek..." "Cat and Mouse," adds Msaada, as Theo continues his thought, "...from Hades." Theo and Msaada express their hope that the last team makes it as we then see the last team, Kathryn and Laterrian, the pressure on, the helicopters above...and love in the air. (At least this is what B/M wants us to think, so I'll run with it.) K & L, apparently also possessing an invisible camera crew, decide that they needed to be rid of the orange jumpsuits. "We gotta get these clothes off," says Kathryn. Laterrian looks up to God and whispers, "Yes!" So they begin ripping the suits off, not having much luck getting them off around the waist and arms shackles.

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Road Rules




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