Road Rules
Fugitives Of Love

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Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

The cops, meanwhile, "don't see any tracks," and walk around looking genuinely confused. Oh Jesus, the B/M camera-dork does the stupid seventh-grade POV camera trick, but this time giving the dog's eye view. B/M tops the idiocy off with some "dog" sounds. Great. I'm watching my old stoned home videos again. At least those didn't have constant commercials for HoJo's. So now the kids stand by a mud cliff as Kathryn goes to town trying to rip Laterrian's suit off, while hers is still mostly on. Ha. Kathryn: part off, is still on. It's not like now that part of your black t-shirt is showing, you're suddenly invisible. Anyway, so Kathryn is now down on her knees almost with her hands by L.T.'s crotch, ripping away as they hear, "Don't Move! Walk towards the dog." Game over, man. They lie down on the ground, busted. We get a bunch of gratuitous shots of the helicopter, the cops, the dogs, the kids -- anything to keep this failed mission going. But B/M realizes they fucked up and it's over and who gives a shit because The Real World is just starting to heat up with the Valentine's episode and everyone wants to fuck each other and no one in the Shasta is really hot for each other yet, so they just give up and show the kids back in front of the cop station. Mayor Andy tells the assembled six that they gave them a "heck" of a chase. "Unfortunately, you know, y'all did your best, to do your best, and of course we had to do ours. I guess we can sing that old song, this time. 'I fought the law and the law won.' This time." Man, I think Andy is Theo's father! Floaty Holly breaks up the family reunion by appearing over a weird Less Than Zero Christmas-party-bank-of-TVs effect with the Blue Star Disease in full force on her cheek. "We all got caught...which sucks...It's the first time anybody's having to deal with not making the money." Man, Holly is really like Two-Face from the third Batman movie. She's really hot, then...whoa! Not so much. She looks good here, but when she talks to the camera she often looks like she's going to cry. Anyway, the kids sit around bitching about not winning and Laterrian and Theo have some incomprehensible dialogue about whether they should consider themselves, individually, as having lost one or six thousand dollars. Msaada drinks some water. Theo stares strangely at Laterrian.

So the kids park at another Toccoa-area RV park (I suspect there are quite a few) as the Graphic of Stupid dubs this segment (hopefully the last of the episode), "Get Some Butt." Crazy triple split-screen effect as Kathryn, Theo, and James do laundry. We start with a master shot of the three where the dialogue so obviously doesn't match the shot. Kathryn says that she'd like her boyfriend to come visit at some point, and Theo says, "You want to get some butt." Kathryn argues that, no, it's because he's just a very cool guy but again, Theo talks about getting "some butt." Kathryn then kicks Theo's bizarre but obviously flirting technique in the teeth when she says, "If I wanted some butt, I'd be after James." A weird silence fills the room as Theo stares blankly and James tries to keep the moment going, saying that it would be a bad idea (meaning: "do me now") and licking his lips like a white L.L. Cool J. Kathryn ruins it when she then asks James if he's hooked up with Holly. He says no and brings it back that he heard Kathryn had hooked up with Laterrian. James and Theo then do some bad approximation of a porno soundtrack which leads me to believe that neither of them have actually ever seen a porno. "If you guys are insinuating something, I'm sorry to disappoint you," says Kathryn. "I'm not disappointed," says Theo.

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Road Rules

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