Hey kids. Los Angeles is in the middle of a early fall heat wave. I barely slept a wink last night because, despite the fan and the no covers, my ass was sweating so much. What does that have to do with this recap? Well, not much. Except to say that without the sleep I am crazy tired and thus, I might not make any sense. Like I might just type something like this for no reason: the monkey stole the toothpaste. See. It makes sense to me, but that's just because I'm tired. Shall we? Bad dog.
Previously. Jisela got voted off. Yet again. We've seen that how many times now? Nineteen? Yes. Sophia says that she's trying not to "hate on" Ellen since she thinks it should have been Ellen who was booted, but she's having a hard time. So are we all, honey. Ellen talks on the phone and says that Sophia is cold. Sophia talks on the phone to her father, calling him "Papi." Or Poppy. Or however you pronounce it. I never called my father that. I just called him "Can I have some money?" and "Dinner's ready" and "No, I swear I didn't steal your Playboys." Blair floats that Sophia is scared to tell her father that she's gay, and Sophia says that if she does and he turns his back on her, she's "dead to the world after that."
Opening sequence. Do I really have to go over it again? No? Thank you. More coffee? Yes. Thanks. The cloud just ate my hamster. Oops, sorry. That's the no sleep talking again.
Spain. Tioga. Driving. Salsa music plays. Outside the RV, Sophia talks on the phone to Jisela. She calls her "Sharon." Jisela comes back and floats that she is Sharon. She says that they changed her name and her accent (she speaks in a crappy Southern accent straight out of Petticoat Junction) so the other [beep]s won't know it was her on the line. "Dog, oh my god, I miss you so much," says guess who? Sophia understates that she connected with (wanted to do) Jisela a lot, going on that when she was booted she was very sad (figured she'd never get to do her) -- sadder than she's ever been in her life (and vowed to one day do her). She tells "Sharon" that she'll talk to her later. "My friend Sharon," she says to ADDam who then gives her a look like, "Dude, I'm a total fucking retard, and yet I still know you're talking to Jisela."
Driving. Driving. Driving. Sophia and Ellen walk; Ellen sluts that she doesn't want to force anything (except Adam's cock into her mouth) but she felt that when Sophia voted to boot her and told her why, she took it to heart. She goes on to say that she hopes Sophia is still willing to give her a chance. At this, Sophia turns and yawns hugely. Hee. Ellen floats that Sophia loved Jisela, so Sophia is mad at Ellen and thus won't open up and thus the elephants and the helicopter. Oops. Sorry. Sophia tells us that, basically, she's never met someone she didn't want to get to know...until she met Ellen. She then turns around and tells Ellen, "It just takes time." Hee. Ellen goes on, saying that sometimes when Sophia won't even respond to her, she wonders whether she has to "sing and dance and do what to prove to this girl that [she wants] to get to know her." Sophia responds, "If I can't trust you, I can't talk to you." Ellen then goes on to display her tenuous-at-best hold on the English language -- as The Music Of My Twitchy Spleen plays -- by left-eyeing crap to the effect that there is only so much she can do, and if they're not having any of it and relationships are a two-way street and there comes a point where if they're not responding she just has to say, "Peace out." To which Sophia would respond, "Dog," I'm sure. Katie whores that Sophia and Ellen actually deal with many of the same issues and thus if they talked they would most likely really get along. That makes no sense. I have two friends who are deathly afraid of dogs. Does that mean that they would have tea parties and go bowling together over that common bond? Stupid Katie. Go home. We want Segun.