Road Rules
Hanging By A Line

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Old People Are Stupid

Tioga. Night. A drunk Ellen and Sophia talk. Ellen says that she doesn't think she's making her parents proud right now. Sophia wonders why, if she's just being who she is, and then makes her sit down. The Tioga pulls out. Warning: the following conversation is stupid. Sophia says that she's glad she's the person she is and likes how her parents raised her, by way of making Ellen ashamed to be ashamed. Blair watches. Ellen says that she's trying to be "that person." Ellen continues, "Who I am is who I am." Edie Brickell is rolling in her grave. Sophia interrupts that who she is is not who she is in the RV. Follow that? No? Good. Sophia goes on to say that Ellen wouldn't care if people caught her smoking, otherwise. Ellen responds that she doesn't want to make her parents sad. She goes on, slurring that her parents have only met one boyfriend "of all the many boyfriends" she's had. She continues, and explain this to me if you can: "Because that's the only person I felt like I needed to explain to them or show them who I'm dating at this point." (What? Who? Where? Lampshade?) Sophia laughingly interrupts that she's getting to know Ellen and it's an epiphany as Ellen keeps right on whoring that she'd rather save her folks the heartache than have them know shit that isn't important. Sophia floats that the shit Ellen does is not correct in her culture, and that people would look down on Ellen's folks because of her. Ellen goes on, "Their disrespect is going to come from her poor image." Yeah, I don't know either. Ellen now blubbers that she's ashamed of some of the stuff she's done. "But they can't say the same thing, either," says Sophia. Wha-wha-what? Ellen cries that she really hopes they're not and she's scared because she doesn't know what she'd do without them because it's finally hitting her. Ellen cries because she makes no sense.

Sophia says that what she's about to say will make everything easier for Ellen. She makes sure Ellen is listening and then talks about coming out being the hardest thing and it'll tear her family up and it's the first time she's put herself before her family because it's her life and it's that extreme that she will lose her family! (Man, I fucking hope, for the obvious reason and because it would be funny, that after all the histrionics, that Sophia's parents just go, "Yeah, we know you're gay, Sophia. I mean, obviously. So what?") Sophia gets all righteous and teary as she says this. She's done. Ellen responds, "I know my parents. And if they knew half the shit...." Hee. Sophia's looking all, "Bitch, I just told you this big thing and you can't even respond to what I said!? Fuck y'all." This is just two girls crying and having two different conversations. Ellen says that it would kill her parents. This is like the end of The Breakfast Club will the crying and the yelling, as Sophia comes back with, "You wanna know why I haven't told my father, Ellen?" She says it again until Ellen is forced to go, all bitchy, "Why, Sophia?" "I'm afraid of killing him!!!" says Sophia. Ellen thinks of something to top Sophia with as she talks. ("Well, my dad will turn to stone when he finds out!" "Well, my dad will burst into flames! Literally! Flames, right there!") As the two girls continue, Sophia floats, "I think everybody's personal struggle is their personal struggle." Hm. I disagree. I think everybody's personal struggle is a cheese sandwich.

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Road Rules

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