Road Rules
Hanging By A Line

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Sucking And Entering

Day. Beach. Green graphics read, "0700 Hrs. Country: Spain. Location: Somewhere." Oh, what the huh? Last week obviously lied to us, since this is not going to be the tannery episode back in Morocco. B/M lied to us! Shocker! Adam sleeps. The Music of My Bitter Coffee That I Will No Doubt Keep Drinking All Morning Until I Make Myself Vaguely Sick plays as Ellen Burstyn knocks on the RV door. She hands a clue to Ellen and Steve and Katie look down from the upper bunk. The clue is obtuse, but maybe only because Adam is reading it, but it says something about the crest and teamwork and training. Adam then floats that Ellen Burstyn disappeared and they are now to travel to a supermarket parking lot. The Graphic of Stupid reads that it's 1100 Hrs. and En Route to Specia. I'm only going to bother with these a few times, people. The Tioga is indeed driving now. Oops, they're not going to "Specia." I had it on pause. They're En Route to Special Ops Training. Hee. ["Wait a second. Ellen Burstyn?" -- Wing Chun]

On the RV, Katie pulls down Steve's pants and everyone laughs. The B/M Crack Staff tiles out Steve's anus. What a job. Be proud of yourselves, boys. Shit, then again I have to watch this crap. Not much better. Ellen and Katie joke about whether Steve is a "giver or receiver" in bed. Steve says that he's a giver. Katie says that "two givers make it a lot of fun." Steve just stares, thinking, "Man, my girlfriend is so dumping me when this shit airs."

Adam voice-overs that they arrive at the supermarket to find an old guy "with more ear hair than [he's] ever seen." I hope I don't get ear hair when I get old. My grandpa had that. It's pretty fucking nasty. The old guy, Roland, vaguely explains -- in some odd accent I can't place -- that in their mission, they will have to do some sort of climbing; Blair then floats that Roland had climbing gear for them, and knew that they were going to do some more climbing. Wow! How did he piece that together?

Montage of Putting On The Climbing Gear gives way to Montage of Climbing. Sophia tells us that this is Katie's first time rock climbing; on the face of the rocks, she indeed bitches, like she's talking about runny eggs or something, "God, I hate this!" She continues, "Put me down! I'm not doing it. I'm not." But she does. Ellen left-eyes that Katie is not doing so well, and they make her draw a comparison to Jisela to increase the non-tension. Higher up, Katie says that she's never hated anything so much, ever. On the ground, Blair stands back to back with some old lady, watching. Who are you, old lady? Ooh, it's The Mysterious Climber-Watching Old Lady Of The Spanish Forest. I've heard tales of her since I was a wee lad. Steve hugs Katie on the face of the rock and jokes with her as Roland laughs and jokes. Katie floats that the hug made her feel better. On the ground, Ellen licks her sleeves and wipes away Katie's mascara runoff. Ew. Steve jokes that he could have done that as Roland's ear hair reaches out and hands them their next clue. Blair reads that they're supposed to go to a hotel. He then floats that they have no idea what their mission is. Neither does B/M.

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Road Rules




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