Road Rules
Here Piggy Piggy

Episode Report Card
Stee: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Stunted Growth

Rachel talks to her girlfriend Amy on the phone, saying she's about to go out and fuck some other girls and guys, but she wanted to say hi first. Rachel tells us that she's taking a break from Amy not because she doesn't want to be with her, but because she doesn't want to cut herself off from "experiences." (I love that code word for "fucking the shit out of all my RV-mates.") Amy must be a moron for buying it. Rachel tells Amy not to say "I love you" like she doesn't mean it. Rachel continues justifying to us why she wants to fuck other people.

Out. Rachel talks to Kendal at some bar or something about Amy. She says people don't know that they're together a lot, and that she didn't even tell her mom for a while. They dated guys on the side for the first year, she says. Kendal nods understandingly, but with this look on her face like, "Okay, whatever, you big dyke." Rachel camera-talks that they call themselves "two straight women who fell in love." Ironically, that's the title of a porno I just rented. Rachel tells Kendal that her mom just thinks this is a phase and that she'll end up with a guy. When Kendal then asks if they'll be together after Road Rules, she says that even when she's with Amy she fantasizes about fucking men -- that her "wet dreams" are about guys. Um, I don't want to piss anyone off here, but doesn't it sound exactly like a phase? I think for once the repressive mom might be right.

In the RV, the kids gather around their NEXTEL phone as Kendal tells us they got a NEXTEL DIRECT CONNECT clue. This stupid voice tells them they have to be at Clemson at the clock tower in the morning. Clock tower. Is the mission Competitive Go-Crazy-And-Shoot-Down-At-Students? The kids mock the show, fake-cheering that they're going to Clemson.

The kids go clubbing that night, but end up, like always, going to the fucking worst club ever. There are, like, three other people dancing in there besides them. I'm sure all the good clubs were like, "Road Rules? Oh, we thought you were the Real World kids. Um, sorry, you're not on the list." Kendal sluts on about Eric and her mixed feelings, and Sarah then camera-talks about Kendal playing games with Eric. She says that Eric is a little boy and Kendal is a big, experienced ho-bag and Eric is scared of that. She says, however, that when Kendal sees Eric talking to a girl, Kendal acts like it doesn't bother her, but it obviously does. We see Eric fake-biting Kendal's ear and growling. She giggles. Sarah continues, sounding like she has a very bad cold (probably from all the chilly reception she keeps getting from her RV-mates), that Kendal gets jealous of Eric because she doesn't know how else to feel.

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Road Rules

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