Road Rules
Here Piggy Piggy

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Stunted Growth

Bathroom. RV park. Everyone important walks into the bathroom to find Darrell shirtless. Rachel calls him sexy and says she wonders where he disappears to all the time. For some reason, Rachel is showing her boobies alla sudden. I think I hear someone talking about "24 Hour Fitness," maybe Darrell saying where he works out, and also I think Rachel is showing a boob job. Shane now camera-talks something to the effect of anyone would want Rachel. Now, if she only had a cock, she'd be perfect. Shane goes on that he can see why Darrell digs on her. Someone asks Rachel if she's showing the titties to them or showing them to Darrell. She gets into the shower, saying that she doesn't think there's "anything that big in boobs." Except silicone.

RV. Sarah smiles, left out of yet another conversation. The kids all sit around, Rachel sitting at Darrell's feet, resting between his legs. Rachel says she's very comfortable sitting like that. She camera-talks that she doesn't think it would be good for the "aura" of the team if anything happened, but at night when she needs someone to cuddle and she becomes more "vulnerable," he becomes more attractive to her. Darrell is in "throne," they joke poorly, and then Rachel says, "What do you want, master?" Kendal tells us that she doesn't understand Rachel and Darrell. "I don't get it," she brats, a real sour look on her face. Rachel then tells the crew it's nice to have someone to cuddle. I hate the word "cuddle." Now Rachel babbles incessantly to us, justifying needing someone you can always go to. She tells Kendal that, at clubs, she'll check out Darrell to see what he's doing. Aw, poor Amy back home pining for Rachel. (Hopefully she's out getting some girl booty.) Now Kendal says she doesn't know about Eric. She says she's sometimes attracted and sometimes she's like, "What?!" Rachel says that's how she feels, too. Kendal doesn't give a shit, powering on to talk about how Eric is growing on her (like a fungus?) but he's such a dork and he has too much confidence, more than he deserves to have...Rachel says Eric is corny. Now Kendal camera-whores about finding Eric intriguing and bleh. The endless conversation about nothing continues as Rachel ends with this stunning revelation: "We'll see what happens."

Next week...the kids get a NEXTEL DIRECT CONNECT clue to go to the Citadel Military whatever in whatever South Carolina. The kids stand as Army dudes bum rush the fuck out of them and just start yelling, doing the normal schtick. Eric jumps and turns to defend himself as Kendal and Sarah both stand with their arms crossed, like, "Oh my god, shut up!" It's very funny. Now Shane is laughing and they tell him, "What's so funny!?" You know they're this close to yelling about queers and shit like they usually do, but this is TV and they have a "new" image. Rachel camera-talks that if anyone is going to lose this mission for them, it's Shane. Now Sarah tells us that she was heading out into the quad and she slipped. We see this. Heeeeee. She goes down hard, boy. She says that she realized that something was seriously wrong with her leg. That's not the only thing there's something seriously wrong with on her. And...scene. Bye! Until next week.

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Road Rules

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