Road Rules
Jumping With The Jones

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Man, Those Kids Are Rappelant

Sophia and Jisela. Lying in the RV bed. Man, for someone who was just worried about giving her lesbian friend the wrong message, Jisela sure is being cuddly. At this point, if Jisela wakes up to Sophia muzzling on her titties, she shouldn't be surprised. Jisela is joking that she wants to go up the mountain first tomorrow, and then if she feels like quitting, she'll have Ellen talking down behind her and she'll immediately be so annoyed that she'll find the strength to make it the rest of the way up. "Whatever your motivation may be, you'll get it done, though," says Sophia, with the sad diplomacy of someone in full-on lurve. Sad.

Day. Driving. ADDam floats that El Chorro is so beautiful it's out of a dream, not a postcard. Doesn't "El Chorro" mean "The Cinnamony Pastry Item You Buy at the Carnival"? Shots of the kids driving and having fun. Money shot of the poor andaluciaextrem.com guys. Then the boys knock on the Tioga and drag the kids out kicking and screaming for their mission. There is gear laid out, and the guys explain that, every year, they hold an eight-day multi-event race, and the kids will be competing in a scaled-down version. Adam smiles. The Spanish boys smile, erroneously thinking that their deal with B/M is going to bring big returns when all the American kids see it! Poor dudes. They go on to say that all members of the Six of Suck will have to finish every event before they can go on, and that they'll be completing together against the clock. EllenExposition floats that they'll be doing -- and we see shots of all -- mountain biking, running, a zip line, swimming, and rappelling. Ellen reads her lines very stiffly, concluding, "This is the most physical mission we've had." Yeah, you mean, like, of the two other so far? Wow! We're in for a special treat! Adam then floats, over an image of the crest, that Endurance is the "virtue" they're going after, and that he's stoked. I hope he's "stoked" on his meds. Jisela, wearing the Purple Bandanna of Imminent Expulsion, then tells the camera that she suddenly feels very confident, and says some stupid shit about having her rock climbing gear on, and then lies, saying that she's definitely not the "weak link," receiving twenty dollars from M, standing just off-camera, for saying that.

The Music of B/M's Fifteen-Dollar Score Budget plays as the kids drive up the mountain in a short bus. As the kids stand with tandem bikes, getting ready, Blair floats that the mission is all about teamwork and coming together -- and then he says that it's going to be a long day. Hee. Yeah. It already is, fucker. Ellen floats that she has no problem saying goodbye? To people? Who don't pull? Their own weight? "Check you later. See ya," she adds for good measure. Ellen then hugs Jisela, wishing her luck. We then get the hug again in slo-mo -- hee -- as Jisela sluts that Ellen was just trying to look good and act nice. "Not!" floats Jisela. And then with very unintentionally funny comic timing, she gets serious and adds, "She's not."

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Road Rules

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