Road Rules
Jumping With The Jones

Episode Report Card
Stee: C+ | Grade It Now!
Man, Those Kids Are Rappelant

That's over and they only have one hour now. They all jump in the water and have to swim five hundred yards to the other shore. Blair floats (and we see) that Ellen pretty much just gives up and starts drifting, unable to swim because she's so beat from her immense fuckup. Ellen rolls over. Slo-mo. Slo-mo. Oh, now it's all "dramatic," and Jisela floats that she's an army brat (no, just a brat) and "never leave a fallen man behind," so she swims back to help Ellen. Pull her under, Ellen! Jisela has Ellen flip on her back and she sorta swims under her, pulling Ellen. Jisela acts for the camera, yelling that Ellen has never left her and so she's not going to leave her now. Adam floats, "I think the group is really coming together in the water." Oh, gross! (That's the dirtiest line of the season so far.) Blair floats some fucking homespun Louisiana hyperbole on us when he says that this was the greatest display of teamwork he's ever seen in his whole hick life. Lord. They reach the end and Ellen and Jisela hug while some crap-ass song B/M surreptitiously taped from some guy playing his guitar for quarters in Grand Central Station plays. The kids get a short time-out.

Jisela floats that they're being transported to another location, so it must be the last section of the race. I don't understand how this is only a five-minute break when they're getting into a fucking short bus for a jaunty ride up the mountain, but whatever. Blair asks a shivering Ellen whether she has any arm strength left and she says no. Jisyella continues to jockey hard not to get booted when she gets Sophia and they hug the freezing Ellen to keep her warm. Sophia is so reluctant, but since she'd lick a hornet nest for Jisela, she throw her arms around Ellen; it also lets her touch Jisela more. Jisela makes a joke about her ass again and then tries to get them to remember a time they were hot and now Ellen is floating that the person who helped her was the person she was having issues with and that made her cry so much as it all hit her and Jisela tries to get them to laugh and remember when she fell on the bike and Sophia laughs because...well, Jisela wants her to, and Ellen just cries and licks snot from her upper lip. That's fucking sexy.

The kids get in the short bus. They drive up a mountain, then they have to hike the rest of the way. It's really high up when they get to the top and Sophia floats that she could see all of Spain; Blair says, "That's hard-core extreme." No, Blair. That's hard-core andaluciaextrem. C'mon, you gotta help B/M pay the bills, yo.

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Road Rules




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