Road Rules
Jumping With The Jones

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The Dating Lame

Hey kids. It's been a couple of weeks since that terrible day, and I hope we've all had a chance to get at least part way back to normal. I think that part of the healing process is being able to laugh. And an important part of that process, is being able to make fun of other people. And who better than the Six of Suck as a target for our derision? Let the healing begin.

The producers forego the "Previously..." because the already sketchy time line has been shot to hell. We instead get a preview, where a Hemingway-daughter-looking lady with an accent welcomes the kids to her "dating office." The kids will be going out on dates; we get quick shots of their dating tapes, in which Ellen, by the way, says she's from Chicago. She's obviously ashamed of being from Ohio or Iowa or whatever fly-over state she's actually from. (No offense to the fly-over-livers; I just think it's a humorously dismissive term.) Ellen says she's never been on a blind date and that she doesn't like them. Yeah, there is no "I imagine I wouldn't like them..." or "I just have a feeling I won't like them." The mental leaps this girl fails to make are astounding, and oddly fascinating to watch.

Opening. We know it. We hate it. Let's move on.

Spain. Altea. The kids, in a hotel somewhere, get their instructions and have to show up somewhere. They do. It's a club of some kind somewhere. This is like recapping Lost or something with the info we get. ADDam voice-overs that, as usual, they really need money, and the great thing is that for a second I could not remember Adam's name right there. As though things had been happening in the world to suddenly make the names of people I don't know and don't like suddenly unimportant. Go figure. The kids are met by the aforementioned Hemingway daughter named Marie-Claire, who is to be their employer. She takes the kids into her office. Steve -- HiSteve! -- floats that all the kids are immediately "spitting at her," which really sounds pretty rude if you're not down with the lingo. MC explains that they're now in "a place of romance and love," but with her accent it sounds like she says "Romans In Love" which is actually the name of a gay bathhouse my uncle owns in San Francisco. Adam asks MC whether she's available, and she says that it's not all about her. We get a funny shot where Steve and Sophia are looking at her all moony while Katie is shooting her some serious stink-eye. Hee. MC goes on to say that each of them will be going out on a date that night to earn some money. ExpoSophia explains what MC just said and then tells us that she thinks it's going to suck so bad. The kids will now, one at a time, make date tapes, which, naturally, are pointless because their dates, having been flown in from America, were picked long ago. Stupid B/M. But the tapes will kill a couple of minutes so what the fuck...

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Road Rules

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