Road Rules
Just Eat Cake

Episode Report Card
Stee: C | Grade It Now!
Suck It Up

The kids get the cake safely into the RV, and then The Crack Editing Staff use a stupid slo-mo shot to transition us into a stage conversation between Ellen and Katie outside the RV at night with Katie asking Ellen if she likes Adam. Jigga-what? Obviously this is before the sucky-sucky or...I give up. Ellen says that she sees qualities she likes in Adam, but that he acts like an asshole. She floats that Adam does push her away, but she doesn't think he understands the extent to which it bothers her. Tiresome, party of Ellen. Your table at The Fuck Off Café is ready.

Day. Kids running with frosting shooters. ExpoSteve tells us that, every year, there is a Chef Hat Riot meringue fight and kids go crazy and they have to try to protect the cake through this. The Road Rulers all draw targets on themselves, and that doesn't seem smart to me. Adam tells us that they need to get paid, and they start carrying the cake through the streets, holding cardboard around the cake to block it from attackers. Kids. Smiling kids. "Evil children," the Road Rulers call them. "Watch for snipers," someone yells. All right, this is kinda fun. ExpoSteve explains that, in the center of the square, the kids were all frothing to destroy the cake. They see the Abraham van, but I don't understand what happens because they look like they quickly close the doors and drive away as our kids are yelling to them. Anyway, more kids. More kids. The Road Rulers put the cake down and Steve stands guard and has a funny standoff with a cute little girl. She attacks Steve; he grabs her shooter and pours meringue all over her face. "Stop hitting yourself," he keeps saying. Hee. Finally, Blair explains that a "collegiate linebacker of a little girl" flew up and tackled him; we see a whole mess of kids rush them and tear the fuck out of the cake. Katie floats that the cake is ruined and they decided just to have fun and everyone is throwing shit and they're grabbing kids and fucking them up and we see that the cake was just frosting covering a big cardboard column, which should be no surprise, really. Katie, covered in meringue, whines, "These kids are mean!" Adam holds up the fake cake, and someone knocks it out of their hands. Sophia blahs about them having fun and Steve says this could be the best day of his life. Now, that's sad. But kinda sweet. More dancing and fighting and everyone is covered. Ellen and Adam fight, and ExpoSteve floats that they're flirty, and really, there's nothing left to say, is there? Really. At all. Then there's a stage from which they throw more meringue and squirt water and Blair likens it to a bachelor party for children and actually, it really does look like a lot of fun.

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Road Rules




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