Road Rules
Love, Lust And Lies

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Smokin' (Laterrian) In The Boys' Room

Previously on Road Rules...No "Previously." We see a shot of a hotel that surprisingly does not look like Hojo's. Contract went sour? I assume Howard Johnson's realized it was actually sullying its reputation as a respectable low-rent hotel chain by associating itself with Road Rules. Kathryn stands in her hotel room bathroom, curling her hair. The floaty version of her talks about how much she's missing her boyfriend, Reed. She goes on to say, "And I'm really upset that he doesn't seem to care, doesn't seem to want to visit on Valentine's." Then floaty Laterrian, sounding even more stuffed-up than usual, says that he helpfully informed Kathryn that she's not in love with Reed, giving her eight reasons why, and that Kathryn denied them all. Sounding as moony as usual about the man in her life -- which is to say not at all -- floaty K tries to convince us and herself, saying that she loves Reed "very much." Apropos of not a whole lot, she goes on to say, "Truth is, Laterrian and I are friends." Meanwhile, Laterrian and Kathryn get on the hotel elevator together...Going down?

The Graphic of Stupid informs us that this segment will heretofore be comma-lessly known as, "Love Lust & Lies." Laterrian and Kathryn walk down the street, pushing each other like Winnie and Kevin on The Wonder Years. They head to a mall to shop for a Valentine's Day present for Reed. "I definitely think Laterrian has some jealousy issues with Reed," says floaty Dr. Holly Brothers, still plagued by the Theo-spread Blue Cheek Star of Evil. "I have no Valentine to buy a card for, so..." says Laterrian, sneakily avoiding ending a sentence with a preposition by adding the "so...." They head to Victoria's Secret for what looks like a pink teddy (Reed wears pink teddies?) and Laterrian helpfully suggests that Kathryn take naked pictures to send to Reed; Kathryn laughingly protests cuz, you know, been there, done that. Laterrian's voice shoots up nine octaves as he says -- and this is the best I can make out -- " the, in the, in the, things. In the things." Once his seizure ends, he sweetly offers to take the photos, going so far as to offer to pay for half of the teddy if she lets him. "Whatever," retorts Kathryn. Oooh, pulling the "whatever" card. That's hard-core. We go into a montage of a million floaties as the kids sit down together for a nice dinner at a restaurant. Blue Star Theo is first to float, saying, "I really do not know what to say about Laterrian or Kathryn." When has not knowing what to say ever stopped Theo before? "I think that Laterrian likes Kathryn. I really do," offers Msaada, breaking her claim of last week that she's not a nosy person. Theo yodels that it's wrong for Laterrian to "pressure" Kathryn when he knows she has a boyfriend, and James says something about gears turning and people saying stuff, but I can't concentrate as I notice there are about six other people at their table with them. What is that, crew? Are Bunim-Murray hungry after trying unsuccessfully blow up the Big Brother house? (Incidentally, B/M have begun to run anti-Survivor ads for The Real World. It's pretty damn sad. It's like, "We have been doing this shit for nine years and all we had to do all along was give them a fucking reward at the end and our ratings would have shot up? Damn you, Survivor. Damn you to hell!") So everyone at the table laughs for some reason -- presumably because Msaada or someone whispered, "Who the hell are these other people sitting with us?" Actually, I have to say that Holly looks rather fetching tonight. Wait...did I just say that Holly looks good? And did I just say "fetching"? Oh man, I really should have taken Young Americans instead. Floaty Holly can't say for sure whether anything is going to happen between Laterrian and Kathryn, as, at the table, Laterrian winks at Kathryn. (I didn't know people actually still winked? I thought that went out in the '40s. Maybe Laterrian just had something in his eye.)

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Road Rules




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