Road Rules
Mission Impossible: Get Shorty

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Get Out Of My Dreams (Get Into My Shasta)

So Theo/Lavar and Msaada/Nia (she's Nia now?) come in with the women and the sick kid and are shown around by Danny, Matt, and Julie. Matt stuns our Shasta-livers when he shows them their Sony Robotic Dog, Shorty. Shorty, sitting legs akimbo on the pool table, is maybe dead since Julie, Matt explains, was playing pool and hitting him over and over in the head with the eight ball. Now I'm no PeTA member, but isn't there something cruel -- not to mention scary and stupid -- about hitting a dog, even a fake one, repeatedly over the head with a pool ball? Someone should look into Julie's repressed Mormon aggression. Wasn't she the one cuddling and kissing Shorty in the first episode? Damn. Floaty Theo-with-the-star-sticker-on-his-cheek appears and craws, "Sloan's a clever little cat. He's like General George Sloan Custer." I don't have the energy to react to Theo anymore. Man, he's so weird, he's tiring. Look: Theo says funny things sometimes, but when you think about them, they're not funny funny. They're instead just odd and vaguely amusing since they come from Theo. It's like when a young child first draws a picture of a horsie. It's surprising, and you show it off to your fellow parents, but it's still a fucking ugly picture. Sloan tells someone on the phone that they're all going to lunch so "you need a lot of mice, I guess." What? Mice? Why does everyone laugh at that? I'm sure I should be getting this, or maybe not. Maybe it's a heel cancer in-joke. As they make lunch arrangements, the Birckenstock-footed Theo slyly opens a side door with his self-same hippie foot. Meanwhile, the other four outside make their plans for the break-in and subsequent getaway as they watch the lunchers all drive off. Msaada and Theo double back in a separate car and tell Laterrian and James that it's a fake dog, and which door is open. As Laterrian and James head to the back of the mansion, the sexy Kelley (man, she and Holly would duke it out, boy!) inappropriately and apropos of nothing, asks Sloan, "What do you want more of -- more sex or more rock and roll -- what is it?" "More nudity," says Sloan. Man, if I were Sloan, my dying wish would be a little bit of Kelley. Well...really it would be, "no more heel cancer," but I'm not sure the Foundation could pull either of those off. Ooh, look. In the car, the lunchers have been joined by Real Worlders Jamie the Frankenstein man, and the ever-so-annoying Melissa. Where's David? I want to see him and Laterrian have a "Playa-Off." Get it? Like a playoff, only...Never mind.

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Road Rules

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