Road Rules
Mission Impossible: Get Shorty

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Get Out Of My Dreams (Get Into My Shasta)

Okay. Lunch is being consumed, and oh look, David did join the rest of his cast at lunch. Matt takes photos for his dope website as Melissa scares Sloan by asking for his phone number. Meanwhile, we see Laterrian and James, who is shaking he's so excited, enter the mansion. But, we see this from inside the mansion. So they're not really breaking in! There's a fucking camera crew already inside! Oh, the deception. When will it ever stop!? The bored B/M editing crew goes for some split-screen mayhem as we see the dog thievery (James is really scary-happy about this mission -- it's not cute) and the lunch, with the kids all barraging poor Sloan with self-aggrandizing "so, were we what you thought?!" questions. Man, I'm glad Holly wasn't at that lunch. She'd drive everyone crazy. Though I would have liked to see how the other cast reacted to her. With relief, that she's not in the house, probably. Oh, Christ! Now there are three screens as they also give an unbelievable calculated slo-mo shot of Msaada and David "making eyes" at each other. Sloan reveals that his first wish was to go to the Playboy Mansion. Ha. James says, "This game is over," as he oddly holds up Julie's weapon of choice in the murder of poor Shorty -- the eight ball. So it's goodbye time, and Theo tells Melissa his name once more. "Theo," he says. Oops. Yeah, he's supposed to be Lavar. Oh, thank you B/M. They helpfully remind us of this by doing some DJ Scribble shit on the replay button and having four fucking screens of him saying "Theo" over and over. That better lead to something, his mess-up. Man, Theo is a dildo. Okay, so now B/M goes insane -- literally insane -- with the "special" effects. I have to shut my eyes for a while. What I can gather from peering between my fingers is this: They're trying to make it seem as if the Real Worlders are getting home just as David and Laterrian struggle back over the fence. Are we stupid? A big lunch takes like, what, ninety minutes? How long does the dog-napping take? Five minutes tops. And what's with the "Theo" repetition torture -- see, it's coming to nothing. Brilliant. Or "brill," as the English say. The English also say "lorry" and "telly" and "bollocks." What? Oh, yeah, back to the show. Sorry.

The kids meet back at the Shasta. Sloan tells sweet Kathryn he felt sort of bad deceiving the others like that; she justifies the lie for him. Theo and Laterrian hang out the RV's window. Theo says, and this is word for word, "And I got one, uh, thing for, uh, the, uh, Real, uh, Belfort mansion Real World: Wazzup!" Can that man deliver a line, or what? You know he was working on that for hours, and just choked when the camera was on. He's all hitting himself back in the Shasta, "Stupid! Stupid, Theo. I screwed it all up! It would have been so funny. Stupid!" (I have a theory, by the way. It is simply that Theo is more spunky and talkative during this episode because he's from Louisiana, and feels more comfortable, surrounded, as he is, by his fellow hicks. Just a thought.) "Phase Two" begins as the kids have to take photos with the dog in front of a certain famous house.

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Road Rules

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